The ‘art’ of deflection
After my article was diluted last week, care of the now infamous video released by the Washington Post, I felt a story on Donald Trump as the embodiment of misogyny would be lost in the noise. Consequently, I thought it necessary to try a different angle — so here we go.
Donald Trump (hence forth known as Captain Colostomy Bag) has waxed lyrical about his book ‘The Art of the Deal’ — second only to the bible. Though, after his performance in the second debate he might consider a follow up: ‘The ‘Art’ of Deflection’. Captain Colostomy Bag is supreme at deflection. This is not to say politicians like Hillary Clinton aren’t, but unlike the average politician Captain Colostomy Bag ‘artfully’ maneuvers from one topic to the next without a shred of discernible relevance — with the grace exhibited by a seagull thrashing at a bag of fries.
What makes this particularly impressive is not the act itself, but rather its reception. As Captain Colostomy Bag conducts his pathetic gymnastics, the average viewer is left in a flurried daze of non sequiturs, best characterized as verbal novocaine.
To illustrate this phenomenon I’ve chosen the following excerpts from the second presidential debate for 2016.
Anderson Cooper: We received a lot of questions online, Mr. Trump, about the tape that was released on Friday, as you can imagine. You called what you said locker room banter. You described kissing women without consent, grabbing their genitals. That is sexual assault. You bragged that you have sexually assaulted women. Do you understand that?
Captain Colostomy Bag: I didn’t say that at all > locker room talk > ISIS chopping off heads > drowning people in steel cages > supporters of ISIS > locker room talk > We’re going to defeat ISIS.
Anderson Cooper: Just for the record… Have you ever done those things?
Captain Colostomy Bag: women have respect for me > I’m going to make our country safe > We’re going to have borders > People are pouring in from the Middle East > America safe again > America great again > America safe again > America wealthy again.
Martha Raddatz: If you were president, what would you do about Syria and the humanitarian crisis in Aleppo? Isn’t it a lot like the Holocaust when the U.S. waited too long before we helped?
Captain Colostomy Bag: the line in the sand > our nuclear program has fallen way behind > Russia is new in terms of nuclear > Putin and Assad> arming rebels > Libya and Gadhafi > Russia > We sign a peace treaty > Iran deal dumb > Iran and Russia are now against us > She wants to fight for rebels.
Martha Raddatz:: What do you think will happen if [ Aleppo] falls?
Captain Colostomy Bag: Aleppo has basically has fallen > Mosul > a lot of the ISIS leaders are in Mosul > announcement to attack Mosul > bad leaders from ISIS are leaving Mosul > why can’t they do a sneak attack > How stupid is our country > General George Patton, General Douglas MacArthur are spinning in their grave.
QUESTION: do you believe you can be a devoted president to all the people in the United States?
Captain Colostomy Bag: Absolutely > she calls our people deplorable > I’ll be a president that will turn our inner cities around and will give strength to people and will give economics > NAFTA > We lost our jobs > TPP > Latino Americans, the Hispanic Americans > taxes > She’s not doing me any favors > she’s doing me favors.
This ‘talent’ has allowed Captain Colostomy Bag to not only evade questions and criticism, but also create a separate set of standards between himself and Clinton — a slimy alternate reality that lives within our own.
Facing likely defeat this November, Captain Colostomy Bag will likely need a fall back. A career in peddling fictitious realities lends itself well to literature, so look forward to the next installment from Captain Colostomy Bag, ‘The ‘Art’ of Deflection’.
