Cliff Berg
Aug 24, 2017 · 2 min read

Wow. I just read AJ’s response. I had forgotten about the horrible things that happened to me. During the mid-’90s I was in a custody battle and lost terribly because my wife’s parents were wealthy and so they outspent me — when I finally had to walk away from the case I was $150K in debt and had lost my condo to foreclosure, and I never saw my daughter again. (The same year, both my parents died, and then my second wife left me.) The primary judge in the case was a woman, and seemed to have in in for me. I was told that that is how she was— that she had an “agenda” (against men). So much for “family court”. When my daughter turned 18 she contacted me, and we met, but she said she didn’t remember me and I never heard from her again.

My point is that the court was biased. In the entire process, over three years, there were several judges, a mediator, and two child psychologists. Most of these people were women (because it was “family court”).

However, men’s groups that focus on bias in child custody disputes are derided as “angry men’s groups”.

And then there is the fact that if one does not pay child support for any reason, one gets arrested pretty quickly; and one’s wages will be garnished at up to 40% of one’s gross pay — more than any other form of debt. But if a woman refuses to grant visitation, one has to hire an attorney and sue in civil court; and then she can ignore the court order, and you have to go back to court. (That is what my ex did, as a tactic, to run up the bill.) They almost never hold the woman accountable for this. The whole situation is pretty biased, IMO. Because of all that, the 1990s was a truly hellish period for me, and I came very close to suicide. Fortunately, in 1995 I started a company that did well, and things turned around for me, and in 1998 I was able to cash in some stock and write a check to my ex for $90,000, paying off the court-ordered attorney fees and back child support (which has been pegged at $1400/month in 1993, and could not be halted even though I had lost my job).

So yes, there are unfair situations for both genders. However, I do care about fairness directed at women, and I have zero tolerance for men in meetings who talk over women, or who behave in an unfair manner. I have never witnessed sexual harassment, but I would have zero tolerance for that if I saw it.

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    Cliff Berg

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    Author and IT consultant