Being Sober in Academia

I’m a full professor at a top public university, in a supportive, forward-thinking department. It’s a job I love with all my heart. And I’m an alcoholic.

I’m writing this article to share my experience in being in recovery while navigating the grind of the “publish and perish” cycles of academia, and especially to talk about how to manage recovery at academic events like conferences. My field is conference-centric, and consequently I’ve spent a lot of my career attending and organizing conferences, which has almost always meant being around alcohol.

This is not an article highlighting the details of my drunken antics. Those are super pedestrian. Some of you might have been there for some of those antics, and if I owe you an apology let me know. But I’ve forgiven myself for who I was and the mistakes I made long ago. Suffice it to say I didn’t have much control over when I drank, and I had *no* control of my drinking once I started. I’ve been in recovery for about ten years now, and am a better person for the work I’ve put into managing my substance abuse. I’m incredibly grateful for where I am right now.

I’m also not here to say much to my drinking friends. Drink away. I’m honestly not judging you if you drink, or even if you get drunk. You do you! The only advice I have for my colleagues who enjoy a tipple is 1) it’s none of your business why someone at an event isn’t drinking, and 2) if someone volunteers that they aren’t drinking, the absolutely only acceptable response is “cool”.

Why am I writing this now? Part of it is that I have a new research project regarding substance abuse and it helps the research if I’m clear about my history. But mostly, I owe a testimony to pay forward all of the help I’ve received over the years. I talked it over with people who have been important in my recovery, and they were clear that I should share my experience, strength and hope with others. So if you are an academic trying to stop using, or are on your own recovery journey, here I am.

There isn’t much systematic research on substance abuse in higher ed professionals. We know that binge drinking is a problem on US campuses. But we don’t know much about how the stresses of academic life, or the culture of academic drinking, affects faculty and staff. For me, I didn’t abuse alcohol because of the stress of the job, I abused alcohol because I am an alcoholic. It’s a bit of a family tradition. However, I’ve known a lot of people who feel like they have to participate in the drinking to fully participate in academia. Networking events especially can be alcohol centered, yet feel crucial to people building their careers. People new in recovery are told not to go to places where there is easy access to alcohol, but how do you balance that with a desire to make connections in your field?

Here are some things I’ve learned more generally about managing my sobriety in academia. There is a lot of controversy about the “disease model” of addiction, but I don’t care about that controversy as an addict myself. Thinking of it as a long term disease I manage helps me plan ahead. I’m also not overly concerned with whether someone is an “alcoholic” or not, since people waste so much time comparing themselves when they get stuck on labels. I’m most interested in helping people who *want* to stop drinking but find themselves struggling to do that.

Here are some of my management strategies for being in recovery in academia:

Get some help

At the end of the day, substance abuse is a mental health problem. Alcohol was just a vehicle I used to drive my underlying problems. Get some help! I don’t know many people who overcame substance abuse on their own, though if they can good for them. For me, help included therapy, peer support and a ton of individual work. For you, it might be something different.

There is no shame in seeking help for mental health problems.

There is strong evidence that there’s a mental health crisis in graduate education in the US. I can’t imagine that this mental health struggle magically disappears when people become faculty members. However, there is also unfortunate stigma around mental health treatment — which is slowly going away. That stigma has been especially strong around addiction, since substance abuse is often treated as a moral failing as opposed to a mental health problem. Even in writing this, I’ll admit to being a little afraid of how this might affect my career given that stigma. It must be especially hard for people who don’t share all of the privileges I have.

I don’t want to indicate that I abused alcohol because of the stress of the academic job. I abused alcohol and then found reasons to justify it. But academic stress sure can feel like a good reason. If you’re struggling with the stress of the academic job, there’s no need to compound that with other mental health issues. Take the help.

Find your people

This isn’t about peer support necessarily, although that’s something that helped me. Rather, find people in your community who are safe for you to be around when you’re struggling. I was surprised to find when I got sober that a ton of people don’t drink. Some for religious reasons, some for health reasons, some also in recovery, and some just because they don’t want to (which I could never personally understand). When feeling overwhelmed by the drinking going on around me, I find those other teetotalers and hang out with them for a bit. Even having a colleague or two that you trust and know what you’re going through can make a huge difference when you need some support.

Have a plan

When I know I’m going into a meeting or conference where drinking is going to be prevalent, I become Hannibal Smith from the A-Team — I always have plans in place. The plan can include what I’m going to drink instead of alcohol. I like soda water with a lime. Every so often an event doesn’t include a nonalcoholic option for drinking, so plan for that every time. I have a plan for people asking why I’m not drinking. I’ve had a host of answers to that over time, ranging from “I’m allergic.” to “Why are you drinking?”. What you say doesn’t matter, it’s all mostly “none of your business”. What matters is to not feel panicked when the question comes up.

I also have a plan for when the scene becomes *too* focused on drinking. Sometimes at an event, my colleagues drink a lot, and it really becomes a drinking event. Good for them! I’ve been in recovery a long time, so I can tell by the volume of the voices when it’s time for me to go. Know your limits and your triggers and always have a plan to get out.

Eventually all of this planning becomes second nature. You won’t have to think about it too much. My first conference sober I made it through with gritted teeth and white knuckles, but I made it. Now, I know what to watch out for and what to do.

Don’t be ashamed

It’s really nobody’s business if you’re drinking or not. Because of the stigma of substance abuse, we’re often reluctant to ask for or take what we need to maintain our sobriety. You can ask for what you need without explanation or excuse.

A note for conference organizers

I am lucky enough to participate in organizing lots of events in academia. What can conference organizers do to support people in recovery? I don’t think it’s absolutely necessary that they do anything. My recovery is my own responsibility. If they want to do something, I’ve seen different models. Making sure there are good non-alcoholic drinks always available is a good start. Some conferences I’ve seen host support group meetings as part of the conference. I often go to peer support group meetings in the city where the conference is, so you might publish those opportunities in the program. It would be interesting to think about alternative dry events if there are hosted parties as part of a conference. Really, the big issue is that addiction is often invisible and hidden. Just being aware that some of your members might be in recovery is a good start.

You can do this!

There’s absolutely nothing special about me. Two minutes with me and you’ll see that I have no special willpower, brains or self-discipline going for me. If I can do this, you can do this. That being said, I understand my privilege in having gotten sober when I already had a tenure track job, having the support of a family and all of that other stuff. If you don’t share those privileges, it’s even more important to find people to support you.

I love being an academic. I love conferences and receptions, and all of that. I am incredibly grateful for my sobriety, since it is the basis for so many other wonderful things in my life. Being sober in academia can present some challenges to overcome, but it’s very possible. You can enjoy all of the benefits of participating in a community of scholars, and still take care of yourself.

I’ve been purposely vague about the specifics of my recovery. If you want to know more, or just want to talk about your own use or recovery, please feel free to reach out to me. We can learn from each other.