From Darkness to Light

Clifford Uwuoruya
Aug 22, 2017 · 5 min read

“Black Power!” someone will chant as he passed the joint (Marijuana rolled in soft paper) to me, as I took a long drag of the joint, I will make my fist into a ball and punch upward into the air in acknowledgement. Then I will take another intoxicating drag and pass the joint to the person on my left, inhaling the smoke mixed with Tetrahydrocannabinol (THC), trying to keep as much in as I can before I exhale. The conversations will then drag for hours on various topics ranging from issues on slavery, colonialism, racism, to why we despise Christianity and the hypocrisy associated with the religion. Then our congregation will break with some of us claiming that we have to get back to our girls or a fast-food, or sometimes even an important meeting or class. A couple of fist bumps, familiar handshakes and further chants of ‘black power’ and we will all then disperse with eyes red from the marijuana haze, we each were in.

This congregation often occurred at bushes, uncompleted buildings or any hidden location where we perceived, authorities could not get us as we were all committing a crime of course. Last time I checked it was still illegal to smoke weed. Even though it was a natural plant, this fueled most of our anger for the system and the starting point of most conversations we had.

Having grown up in a Christian home, I found it difficult to practice this religion and still smoke weed, plus it didn’t help the amount of Christians I knew that constantly broke God’s commandments on a daily. However I chose to ignore those Christians I also knew who adhered to God’s word and were faithful, the ones who I could find no fault in. Well there is no way I am gonna live the ‘holier than thou’ life, I always convinced myself. This was the period I found solace in Rastafarianism, and hence proclaimed myself a Rasta.

I dedicated myself to this belief and sought to worship Haile Sellasie as my saviour who saved we the Black People from the Europeans and their religions. I also quit drinking alcohol as it was forbidden in the religion and continued smoking weed of course, it is the sacred herb after all.

I surrounded myself with people who I believed had similar faith and we will congregate, smoke and have deep long conversations. Soon I became drawn to the belief that we descended from Egypt, and ancient Egyptians were Black like me. I began to debunk the gospel of Jesus Christ, and promote the African spirituality. I became someone totally different from the little boy who used to go to Sunday school every week in my early Years.

However on a faithful day I watched a movie titled ‘The Shack’. After seeing this movie I began to question my belief. I then began to speak with some close friends about Jesus, trying to first portray Him as a Black Man to even get them to listen. The response was not positive, our gatherings became more deeper and darker and the chants were shifting to words like ‘I have given myself to the darkness’. This was when I decided I need to go to Church, at-least to confirm if all I say about Christianity is really true and if I am actually living right, like I believed I was.

Saturday night, a friend shows up at my place with another guy I had met earlier at a gathering, they offer to smoke some marijuana which they brought with me and I agree although I felt the urge not to, I was studying and I had to be sharp. But then again I also study ‘high’ and it doesn’t affect my concentration, I assured myself and joined them. We all shared a joint, and discussed on the usual topics, even branching on to the movie ‘Get Out’. A few minutes after the joint was done, I began to feel funny and I then noticed how they were staring at me intently, I then took my leave and headed to my room. Lying on my bed I felt a cold which I had never felt in my life. I knew something was definitely wrong, winter was still two months away. As I put on all my jackets and two Jean trousers, one of the guys came into my room and asked if I was feeling cold, this was a weird question for someone to ask at this time of the Year, but I could see the mockery in his eyes. I said I wasn’t and asked Him to leave. As they departed I could here them laughing and saying “This one is gone”.

Lying in my bed and under two blankets, I could feel the life slowly sipping out of my body, my whole body was freezing and boiling at the same time, it was a feeling I can’t explain. At the same time I was hearing so many sounds in my head. This is the point when I remembered all the Sunday school teachings and finally genuinely called out to God for the first time in as long as I can remember. Feeling as though I was close to death, I prayed to God for forgiveness and repentance. I called on Jesus to come into my heart and save me, I also called for the feeling of the Holy spirit. I asked God to preserve my life if it was not his will that I die on that night, I dedicated my life to him that night, proclaiming that if I survive the night I would strive to fulfill his purpose for me on this Earth and I will no longer live for myself or the pleasures of my flesh, but I will live for him. I then heard God speak to me through all the pain “Stay awake till the sun comes up, the darkness last only for the night”. And I did, lying face up on my bed, I endured the ordeal for about 7 hours until dawn. And just as God had said to me, when morning came all the cold suddenly subsided and I got out of my bed, had a shower and called my only true Christian friend I knew to please help me get to Church. He payed for my transport to his Church, and I walked in for the first time in my life with a heart set on being closer to God. It was Sunday, and I was not only alive, I was saved.

To be continued………….

)

Clifford Uwuoruya

Follower and Lover of Jesus Christ, PhD Candidate, and Musician. Areas of specialization: Popular Music Studies, African Intellectuals Studies, and Sushi.

Welcome to a place where words matter. On Medium, smart voices and original ideas take center stage - with no ads in sight. Watch
Follow all the topics you care about, and we’ll deliver the best stories for you to your homepage and inbox. Explore
Get unlimited access to the best stories on Medium — and support writers while you’re at it. Just $5/month. Upgrade