Skewing the narrative

Calvin Ling
Jul 21, 2017 · 1 min read

Narratives are not meant to be skewed among friends.

Once a friend begins trying to paint themselves as someone else, it’s the beginning of the end of the friendship. And I mean a good friend — someone you’ve lived with, someone you’ve shared memories with, someone you’ve opened yourself up to. Once they start trying to convince those around them they’re someone else, that’s when you know it’s time to cut and run.

The whole purpose of friendship is to be completely open and exposed. It’s an uncomfortable feeling, but once you establish that level of trust, that’s when you know y’all will be friends for the long haul.

Skewing the narrative is fine when you’re talking to others. Those who aren’t close to you don’t need to have the true picture: they can have a modified “designed for TV” version of your life. In some ways, it’s actually good to paint your narrative as you see fit: this is how it works in the professional world.

But the realm of friendship is entirely different. The people closest to you are the ones you trust most. By skewing your personal narrative and selectively picking what you do and don’t tell those close friends, you are trading trust for acceptance. If they’re your true friends, they’ll accept you no matter what.

Full transparency is the only way to operate among close friends.

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Calvin Ling

Written by

Stanford MS&E '16. Associate at 415.

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