HOW IT ALL BEGAN,

  1. I cheated on my boyfriend of 2yrs earlier this year, I had sex with a man that I’ve worked with since he started at my job. It wasn’t the best decision, and my boyfriend found out from others instead of from myself. That was my mistake. It has been 6 months since he found out and it seems like everything is jus getting worse…. We want to work it out, I do love him…. He didn’t deserve what I did to us, to him or to our family. He keeps telling me I don’t understand what I did…. But I do. I destroyed the best relationship I’ve ever had. He was kind and very giving. I don’t know what I was thinking when I did what I did. But now…. Oh man…. Now it’s jus constant fighting, name calling, miserable day in and day out, wishing for a time machine to take it all back and do the right thing…. (From both of us) life all n all jus sucks….. example: today, I woke up this morning for work n didn’t care what I looked like, (we both work at the same place) but after I got to work I wanted to look pretty for him so I did my makeup, fixed my hair differently and when our first break came around we took it together and nothing. Use to he’d notice the smallest of changes n he would tell me if it was good or bad, but now…. Not a word. I’ve tried my hardest not to cry today to ruin the makeup hoping he’ll say something b4 the day is over with, but here we are a lil over a hour b4 I get off and still not a word. I even posted a pic on Facebook hoping he’d like it. But nothing. I’m not mad that he didn’t or upset with him for not liking it, I don’t expect him to, but usually he does or he’ll txt me saying something bout posting it for attention. But this time I posted it for attention FROM HIM n nothing…. I know I did this to myself. I know I deserve nothing good. I’ve been trying to show him I’ve changed, that I am sorry and it won’t happen again and I mean it all of it…. But I’ve lost his trust I’ve lost so much from him now cuz of what I did…. How do you fix something that is far from ever being repaired? I’m sorry if you think I’m jus rambling on n on, you don’t have to read this, but to get this far you must be interested. I hate myself. Inside and out. I feel disgusting, disgusted with myself. I’m not every self-confident by any means but after all this I don’t think I could ever feel even pretty…. I miss what we had n wish to God I could get it all back ☹ but I know it will never happen… I wish I could jus rum away and never return, never give anyone the chance to ever have to go through this cuz of me. I’ve changed for the better, but it’s too late ☹ I guess that will do for now, gotta get some work done b4 I leave for the day. Have a good one.