My Struggle with PTSD & Life

Approximately ten years ago I left Active Duty status for the United States Army. I was excited, anxious, and ready to be back in Milwaukee, WI, a place I had called home for most of my life.

The next step for me was to go to college. My consummate passion in life was medicine and I couldn’t wait to begin my path towards becoming a physician assistant. After all, I saw what PAs did for so many soldiers that they served in the Army and their service was powerful and life changing. It appeared to be exactly what I wanted to do with my life. I also knew that I wanted to continue serving so I joined the Army Reserve and was looking forward to meeting my new battle buddies.

But then something happened, I was in school, and I had difficulty focusing and settling back into “civilian” life. I struggled with relationships, both personal and, surprisingly, with relationships I had in the military as well. But, most folks around me, couldn’t understand me, or even imagine what I was going through. They didn’t know that I was a combat Veteran but even if they had known, they still didn’t know what I’d seen, felt, smelt, and the pain I had witnessed, caused by both the enemy and my unit. The wide gap between me and the average civilian friend, family-member and new associations was larger than I anticipated.

I have seen my battle buddies in pieces, and life slipping from their grip as they lay in peace. I have seen children with wounds caused from playing with their father’s set of explosives that accidentally blew up on…