Excerpt From “The Sit Down” 5/14/17

Preface: If you’re a listener of “The Sit Down” and wonder where our weekly show’s been as of late, we’ve had a lot of issues with cyber-attacks. That, combined with the launch of the Excelsior Podcast Network (EPN), means the flagship show of controversy has a ton of episodes ready for your consumption. All will be released shortly. In the interim, here’s a brief transcript from this week’s “Sit Down,” recorded yesterday with yours truly, Producer Aaron Campbell, and “Anger Management Consultant” Chase Dyer.

SEATON: And what a lot of these unhinged leftists don’t understand is that in any scenario where their conspiracy theories play out and the President is elected, the fantasy world they all want so desperately, where Queen Pantsuit herself finally gets her rightful place on the throne, it’s never going to happen. There is no scenario where Hillary Clinton becomes President. A high schooler with a basic grasp of civics gets this.

CAMPBELL: The line of succession doesn’t allow for it.

SEATON: Right. Pull the line of succession up, Aaron, and let’s play a game of “Play it through.”

DYER: This has nothing to do with golf, right?

SEATON: I bring you on as my “Anger Management Consultant” and you’re now deliberately trying to make me angry? This is why we can’t have nice things. Let’s get started. Trump is removed from office, who gets the White House?

CAMPBELL: Mike Pence.

SEATON: Right. Wake up, LGBTQ citizens, you want Trump out? The moment President Pence is sworn in he’s bound to sign an Executive Order sending all of you to “Conversion Camps” where you’ll learn to “Pray the Gay Away” with a side dosage of shock treatments.

DYER: Jesus…

SEATON: Okay, who’s next on the list, Aaron?

CAMPBELL: That would be House Speaker Paul Ryan.

DYER: The guy who looks like he just finished a round of P90X, slugged down a protein shake, then hopped on a boat for a day on the lake?

SEATON: I’m not sure about that…

CAMPBELL: That’s a pretty accurate image.

SEATON: It still doesn’t change the fact you’ve put into power the guy who’s patting himself on the back for a poorly written health care replacement law! One so bad the Senate’s said they’re going to write their own and send it to the house for consideration! But say Ryan gets out. Who’s next on the list?

CAMPBELL: Orrin Hatch. Please, God, not Orrin Hatch. Not for President.

SEATON: If that’s the response we’re getting from the Democrat in the room, nothing else needs to be said. Out with Orrin. Who’s next for President?

CAMPBELL: Looking down the list, the only person I could stomach as President is Mad Dog Mattis.

SEATON: Oooh. I love Mad Dog Mattis. I would go for a President Mad Dog.

DYER: Who’s “Mad Dog Mattis?”

CAMPBELL: The Secretary of Defense.

SEATON: And only the manliest man in the government today!

DYER: What’s with him?

SEATON: His base policy is “Don’t mess with us and we’re cool. You screw with the United States, though, and we will unleash the thunder on you.”

DYER: Oh geez…

SEATON: But the point the leftists who keep pushing these bizarre conspiracy theories, hoping for something that will make their fantasy of President Hillary come true, they’re not understanding there’s no scenario ever that will undo the election. Hillary’s not going to be President. End scene. Now onto the next story…

The Sit Down with Chris Seaton” is available weekly wherever fine podcasts are sold or stolen. It is the flagship show of the Excelsior Podcast Network, regardless of what Producer Aaron Campbell says.