Relapse

3 days ago I woke up to the realization that I had relapsed. I don’t do drugs and I don’t drink alcohol. It’s probably not what you think. I relapsed on food. This is something I have fought most of my life. 2 years ago I had a scare and you would have thought I would have learned from it, but I didn’t. I lost weight…but not the right way. I tried exercising, but alas that fell off too.

A big piece of this is that I switched jobs and all of sudden what I did was more sedentary. Less time walking around, less time doing physical activity, and things of that sort. I can hear the shaming voice in my head saying, “Quitter!” even as I type this. Despite what people think, food can be a drug if you let it. I eat when I’m stressed. I eat when I’m depressed. I eat when I’m not happy.

3 days ago I sat in a Dr.’s office (just so happens to be the one I work for) with my blood pressure at 166/100 and a heart rate of 106. I was panicking. I knew what was happening and I knew why I was in this situation. I had relapsed. I had allowed something that I thought I had conquered happen again. Mainly because I was relying on all the wrong things to make me happy. Instead of focusing on what I needed to focus on, I’ve relied on food to get me through the day.

I’m fortunate that I work for a clinic and doctor that care about my well being. So I’m back on the wagon. I’m on day 2 of trying to be healthy again. This time around I want it to be WHO I am, not just a thing I’m doing. I’ve found in my life that when something becomes a part of my identity it’s harder to remove or let go. If it’s something I’m just doing, I can put it down and if I don’t come back to it, then I don’t.

So why am I writing this and sharing it. Two reasons…first, I need people to know because right now I’m not strong. I need people to come alongside of me with prayer, encouragement, and accountability. What I don’t need is a workout partner or everyone telling me to try this or try that. Second, I write this for those of you with food addiction to know that even if you’ve relapsed it’s not too late to get back up and start again.

Best wishes and to your health,

Chris