The Misadventures of a Path Train Rider — Part III

There are so many lessons to learn while riding the Path train. Here are a few that really stand out.

1. Sitting, or not

The only reasons to sit down are if you’ve got some type of ailment, you’re pregnant or if someone is kind enough to offer you a seat. Otherwise it’s not a good idea. Here’s why:

Crotch Face — just what it sounds like. You will have a crotch in your face. And if you’ve got a nose like mine you will smell things. Things you shouldn’t smell. Need I say more?

Sleep Stander — there is usually at least one person every morning that is sleeping. One would think most people sleep while they are sitting. Nope, that’s not the case on the Path. One morning I was sitting (thanks to a very nice gentleman who offered me the seat). On my right was a man who was standing holding on to the rail with one hand and facing me. He was sound asleep. Not only was his crotch in my face but he was snoring. And he almost fell on me. Twice. I guess you could call that the 2-for-1 combo — sleep standing crotch face.

2. No Eye Contact

Do your best not to make any eye contact or even really look at anyone (at least don’t make it obvious), especially if they are standing close to you. If you’re going to look at someone make sure they are far away. I made the mistake of looking at a woman standing right next to me. She had white nose hair hanging out as if she was trying to grow a mustache. That’s how close I was to her. It took all my strength not to offer her some tweezers to get rid of them. I just can’t erase it from my memory. White. Nose. Hair.

3. Pay Attention

Don’t read on the train or look at your phone. You will be distracted and miss your stop. Yup, I missed my stop completely. I was so engrossed in the book I was reading (Girl Code: Unlocking the Secrets to Success, Sanity and Happiness for the Female Entrepreneur by Cara Alwill Leyba), that when I looked up I was amazed at how beautiful the station was and how come I never noticed it before? Until the announcement said it was the last stop. Panic set in for a brief moment. Lucky for me, the train was going back the way it came so I wasn’t late. I laughed at myself the entire way back and along the walk to my office.

What’s not funny about this is that no one is paying attention. Everyone is so engrossed with their tablets or phones. I took a poll the other day. There were 40 people on the train. Thirty were looking at a phone or tablet, five were reading actual hard cover books and the other 5 (me included) were either sleeping or just sitting/standing. It’s a shame really. Imagine all the observing they’re missing…minus the sleep-standing crotch face with white nose hair. Say that three times really fast.

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