When people care for us and love us, all they are doing is giving us permission to share what makes us unique human beings. They hold up a mirror so that we can see ourselves for who we are, without the surface-level voice that resists the fluidity of authentic, unrestrained expression. In this way, other people help us uncover our true sense of self.
Of course, without the presence of shared vulnerability and trust, two people can’t create a shared culture beyond the boundaries of the social norms that guide our day-to-day interactions. But when these shared vulnerabilities are present, our shields begin to drop away; we no longer need our defense mechanisms. Then, we begin to uncover the contents of the unconscious mind. And as the conscious and the unconscious meet, we project our aliveness onto the world.
The problem with most attempts at habit change is that they focus on the behavior above the mindset. It’s easy to consume a list of five or ten habits that promise health, wealth, and happiness, but it’s a lot harder to go into your own mind and deal with the incoherence of values that stops you from doing what you should. It’s easier to have a decision be made for you than it is to find the courage to make the decision yourself.