The Chronicles of an Abusive Relationship

Have you ever been with someone who was very jealous? Tried to control you? Told you what to wear? Scared you at times? Called you names? Has two personalities (Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde like)? Or even pushed or hit you? Real people go through these things every day. This is known as domestic violence or as some people call it, abuse.

What is abuse anyway? I mean, we are very reluctant to use the word “abuse” in relationships. Nobody wants to hear you are being abusive in a relationship or feel abused. It seems to be a line that nobody wants to cross, but unfortunately, it happens. Intimate Partner Violence defines domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner. In other terms, abuse is any behavior or action that is taken against you, devaluing you in any way. According to the National Center for injury Prevention and Control, women experience about 4.8 million intimate partner-related physical assaults and rapes every year. This is a true-life crisis that we are dealing with right now here in 2012.

The victims of domestic violence can be anyone, regardless of past family history, income level or education. They can be your sister, brother, mother, best friend, or teacher. There are a lot more people out there who are being abused than you can possibly imagine. The lady down the street that you think has it all together may be a victim of abuse. The woman who lives opposite your house that seems to have the perfect marriage may be being abused. We don’t know what goes on behind people’s walls unless they choose to share.

There are different types in an abusive relationship. One of them is physical abuse. According to HealthGuide.org, physical abuse is the use of physical force against someone in a way that injures that person. In other words, physical abuse is when someone physically hurts you on purpose. Lets take Chris Brown for instance who physically assaulted Rihanna so violently until she was completely unrecognizable.

Many of us think an abusive relationship is usually a guy beating a girl. People don’t understand that abusive relationships are not only physical but they can even be emotional. What does emotional abuse look like? Often times, it is vey insidious. It happens when someone calls you names, labels you or judges you. Emotional abuse is also when someone rewrites history. An example is accusing your partner for committing something she never did, like “You didn’t flush the toilet after using it” or “You said you’d do the laundry today.” So, blame, rewriting history, labeling, judging are all forms of emotional abuse and they can drive you insane.

It is an established fact that abuse; in all its manifestations whether it is verbal, physiological, emotional, physical and even sexual all occurs with love and affection. Most reported offences are between their intimate partners. It is as if love causes abuse. Well, in a way, it does. Loving someone too much is an abuse. To be overprotective, not respecting one’s privacy or to be brutally honest, are all forms of abuse. Imagine going out to the movies with your friends and constantly receiving texts from him wanting to know where you are, who you are with and what you are wearing every second. Don’t you just find that a little annoying?

There is such insanity in the world. And for those that have suffered such horrendous abuse first hand, forgiveness of the predator can seem absolutely insane and most chose not to. Statistics show that 80% of women from abusive relationships choose not to leave their abuser. The reason behind why woman usually stays is because she has an extremely low self-esteem and she doesn’t believe in herself that she can live without him either financially or emotionally. So, she wants to believe that her partner loves her, even though he might be harsh on her sometimes, but she thinks that it is worth to stay because she has the love of this person. If a person shows you no respect, treating you like a rug, walking all over you, then how can you say that this person loves you? Well, another reason why women choose to stay in this toxic relationship is because of poverty. Some women are very poor. They have no jobs or have never worked perhaps in their lives and they think that the breadwinner (husband/boyfriend) is the person that they are depending on. They believe that without this person, they would be out on the streets. Another reason is also because often in situations like this it’s possible that the women has put in a lot of energy, care and money in this relationship that she doesn’t want to get out of the relationship because she knows that she’s going to lose everything. And these are some of the reasons why often women continue to stay in a negative relationship even though they know very well that their relationship has ended a long time ago.

Lastly, if you are in an abusive relationship, know that there are people out there who love you and are willing to help you. I know it must be scary but that is no excuse not to seek help. You have to go above and beyond to get out and away from this sick relationship if it takes changing your phone number, address or your job because no one deserves to get hit by their significant others rather a man or a women. Remember, you have the right to be treated with respect. You can help yourself.