Toilet Paper Position. Why Everybody Who Likes it Under is Wrong

The Correct Way. The Only Way.

Are you an over, or under toilet paper fanatic?

I’m an over guy. Always have been.

Thank the lord that my wife is an over girl. Otherwise, I’m not sure we’d be celebrating our 17 year anniversary in May. Congratulations to us.

Here’s why I’m right about why the toilet paper should always face up, or be positioned over the top.

All those who insist that it should always face down… well, I love you, but you’re wrong.

Here’s the squabble on wikipedia for over or under. Notice how I eloquently debunk the under myth, and with a silver-tongued approach win you over to the over side. Pun intended.

Why Over is THE Only Way to Hang

  • Over keeps us neat freaks from rubbing the wall with our knuckles. Admit it, when you’re finished doing your business, the last thing you need to be doing is touching anything. Having your roll of toilet paper facing up will clearly keep this from happening. Germs on hands will not be transferred to your wall, and thus, keep your bathroom from any unnecessary contamination. Bam!
  • Over makes is easier to find and grasp the loose end. According to research, 6 in 10 people wear glasses or contact lenses. With the older population, that number only increases. The last thing we blind people need to be doing is hunting for the loose end of a stupid roll of toilet paper. Keep it smartly positioned on top = problem solved.
  • Over gives the hospitality industry (hotels, cruise ships etc.) a chance to show you that they cleaned your room. Who doesn’t like a little garnishing on their toilet paper? It makes it funner. Plus, now you know you’re in a clean room and can enjoy your stay without any worries. Who needs their towel made into a swan when you can have decorative toilet paper?
  • Over gives the manufacturer a chance to show you their artistic ability. Admit it, other than functionality, the second reason you buy the brand you do is because of the attractive embossed surface. It’s okay to admit it. Before you dirty it up you do want it to look pretty, right?

The Argument for Under and Why it’s Wrong.
Dead Wrong

  • Under gives a neat appearance. The under folks feel that if the loose end is facing under that it just gives the roll a cleaner look. It actually makes it look worse and gives the roll zero personality. See the third bullet point above.
  • Under keeps your children and pets from grabbing or batting the loose end and creating utter devastation in the bathroom. I’ll give you 49% of this one, but it’s still a wrong strategy. If it does work, it’s only a temporary fix. Eventually your kid, because you’re raising them to be an intelligent human being, will figure this out and that what will turn one way will turn the other way just the same. As for our pets, a nice comfortable kennel with a locking door will solve this issue. They aren’t naive, just because they don’t have opposable thumbs doesn’t mean they can’t figure you out. They will.
  • Under in a moving vehicle (RV) will keep it from unrolling while you’re driving. The last time I checked, toilet paper swings two ways. How is this even given as a reason? Look at proof number three above. Are the cruise ships doing it? Nope. Those things bounce and roll around like crazy. If over is good enough for the cruise industry, it should be for you RV’ers.
  • Under gives the spiders a place to hide. Think about that next time you’re sitting there reading the latest issue of Glamor Magazine. Keeping it under gives these little critters a place to hide and attack at the first chance they get. If the roll faces over, they can’t squeeze underneath as easily.
The Wrong Way

This is a call to help you save your marriage and your friendships. The proof is in the pudding, admit it all you under toilet paper hangers.

Over is the ONLY way to hang.

Which way do you hang your toilet paper? Why?

If you have additional proof that over is where it’s at, stake your claim below.

If you’re still convinced that under is the way, please share your reasons below in the comments. Not sure it’ll matter though…

Chris is a Freelance Writer & Blogger. You can find his latest stuff here.