An Open Letter
I’ve been thinking. You must be itching to get your hands back on your businesses. You know, the businesses you’re not able to tend to or benefit from because of the Emoluments Clause and other checks and balances that appear to be less binding than previously thought.
This President thing has its perks, sure. Everyone knows your name. That’s HUGE. But even as a former president, that will be true. Granted, you may occasionally be mistaken for the UK’s Boris Johnson, but as soon as you speak, you’ll clear up any mistaken identity.
I know a few people who’d be willing to hang out at a bar of your choosing just to yell, “Hey Donald!” when you walk in. I know you don’t drink, but a bar is a great place from which to tweet, even if you’re just sipping a coke while you do. I think you would really like bar food.
In terms of who you’d turn the reigns over to…are you really concerned with that? Won’t the spotlight follow you wherever you go, and whomever follows you as President will just have to work in the shadow of your legacy. Unlike your era, your successor is unlikely to be able to return the Dow Jones index to its nearly 30,000 average in recent weeks. I’m sure you’d like it if history would say, “Not since Donald Trump has the U.S. economy seen such…” I’ll leave the rest for your imagination and un-matched ego to complete.
Besides, after this wacky impeachment show, the Dow plunging, you virus denying, Obama-blaming and ultimately vaccine/cure credit-taking, most Americans will want a break from politics and we’ll happily tune into whatever reality show, can’t-look-away-side-show-activity you venture into next. We’ll even commit to it, if that would make not running for a 2nd term any more appealing to you.
Until then, I encourage you to download the app, Word of the Day. It doesn’t cost a lot of money. It actually costs zero. I’m sure you’ll consider it a tremendous app and find that your huge vocabulary can become humongous. Believe me. You don’t want to be one of the losers who can’t add a word or two to his vocabulary, right? Only a moron would say that.
It’s gonna be great. Maybe even incredible, despite the negative press covfefe. You’ll find out.
Make America Great Again. It was great, you got elected, we tried keeping America great, but then we got China and Russia interference and you schmoozed the oddest leaders and dissed our friends, and it seemed like we were becoming a dictatorship and then the virus and quarantine and the recession and all. Make American Great Again: go run the Trump family business. Leave the Presidency for the American people to salvage.