Clark Mortensen
Nov 8 · 2 min read

Tara, I have to comment to counter Weiner’s opinion.

You have made the right choice. I have read many of your other stories on here over the past months. There is so much more to your trials. I admire how you have taken the steps to protect you and your children. You have my sympathy for how this pregnancy ended. You can’t change others or get them sober. Keep making the hard choices and doing the hard things. You will be great. Are great.

I know these things, because I have lived them. My oldest is 44 years old and has been addicted for 26 years. Married twice and both were addicts and have had multiple stints in jail. My son has been to jail so many times, I can’t count.

My second son died three years ago of pneumonia, as a complication of having his pancreas removed, after he had completely killed it drinking. This was two years after my lovely wife of 40 years, died of pancreatic cancer, five and a half years ago.He had sole custody of his 10 year old son at the time, because his wife went to jail during the divorce, for drugs. She has since gotten clean and sober and is raising my Grandson and 2 younger children she has from a man, she lived with, who committed suicide 10 days after my son died. Now all three children have no father. She is very strong and I am proud of her.

I have another ex-daughter-in-law who is in recovery after her stint in prison. My son may take her back after time, (it appears to be working out) to help raise their 10 year old autistic son.

I have a 30 year old daughter with 5 children ages 2–10 and she has been through 5 separations in the last 7 months.

I have 3 other children and families without drama, now.

Drugs are evil, relentless and indiscriminate. I believe when your loved one is on drugs, you are dealing with their mortal shell without morals or empathy, and negotiating with the drug. It is as close to them being soulless, this side of death. When they are clean their Soul returns. I grieve the death of my son once and continually. I grieve over my eldest son, many times anew, whenever he returns to drugs, after a brief reprieve from addiction.

You are strong and your writing speaks to your healing. Keep on. I wish you well.

I recommend a book, “PRODEPENDENCE — Moving beyond Codependency” by Robert Weiss, PhD, MSW. It gives me strength to turn away the harsh “Guilt Slingers”. It will do the same for you.

    Clark Mortensen

    Written by

    Retired Professional Salesperson, Active mineral prospector and mining developer, widower. cmort2012@gmail.com