Disclaimer: To All Female Readers of CNGR
To any woman who may come across this blog, and decide to read it:
THIS BLOG IS NOT FOR YOU.
I am not writing this blog with female readership in mind. I am not addressing a broad audience. I have chosen to focus only on one particular group: 18–34 year old Christian single, heterosexual men, who are active members of a Bible-based, evangelical Christian church. That’s it. Obviously, this is an internet blog, therefore, anyone is free to read it. But in my blogging, the aforementioned demographic is the only group that I intend to address.
I write as a Christian man speaking to other Christian men about Christian men’s issues. The tag line, or motto, of this blog is, “Don’t be a Nice Guy. Be a Godly Man.” And that’s what it’s all about: calling men to pursue deeper Christ-likeness, particularly in the area of dating and relationships. As such, my writing style and tone will reflect my stated goals and my intended audience.
Furthermore, in seeking to make CNGR a blog with meaningful, helpful content, that is a blessing and grace to my intended audience, it will therefore be necessary to engage in frank and honest conversation/commentary about interacting with some of the women in the church (Please carefully note: I say SOME, not ALL, and not even MOST.) In order to do that honestly, I will at times have to unflinchingly use unflattering adjectives to describe these women, adjectives like: weird, awkward, unpleasant, creepy, cringy, socially mal-adjusted, and so on. By being this blunt and plainly-spoken, the goal is to equip other men with verbiage and vocabulary that will allow them to genuinely express some of their own past experiences.
Part of the problem with being what I refer to as a “Christian Nice Guy”, is that they just can’t bring themselves to truthfully assess, identify, and call out the anti-social, dysfunctional, negative, and problematic behavior patterns in other people, and especially with women to whom they may be attracted to. They are liars and cowards, plain and simple. They lie to themselves, and as a result, it has a corrosive, damaging impact on many, if not all, of their personal relationships. Christian Nice Guys all too often reject plain-as-day realities about the people around them, ignoring all of the red flags brightly blowing in the wind, disregarding the neatly-written writing on the wall, which results in them creating false narratives about who people really are. This then, results in wrongly awarding (or, misapplying) “the benefit of the doubt” to others (when God clearly and repeatedly makes a person’s character clear to you, there is really nothing to doubt), and engaging in unhealthy relationships with people who mistreat, abuse, and take advantage of them. And this can be most true in their (romantic) relationships with women.
Therefore, I’m calling Christian men to do better, be better, and think better, to the glory of God. I call my brothers to repent and believe the Good News that becoming more like Jesus is so much better than remaining how they are. I want them to have healthier, happier, and deeper romantic relationships with their fellow sisters in Christ. That’s really what this blog is going after.
And so, Ladies…
It goes without saying, but you are free read this blog at any time. But you do so at your own risk. I may say things that you disagree with. I may say things that offend your sense and sensibility. You may take issue with how I characterize some women in the church. That is your prerogative. But I’m not trying to have a laugh at your expense, nor am I merely trying to put certain women down, just to make a point. I’ve already written about this, but CNGR is not, nor will I ever allow it to become, the Christian Women Haters Club. I’m not trying to hurt your feelings at all. And yet, at the same time, I’m not trying to spare your feelings, either. I’m not addressing you to begin with. I am only addressing men. To reiterate: This blog is not for you. I don’t have any advice to give you. That is beyond the intentionally narrow scope of CNGR.
However, I will say this in closing:
For those women who might read this blog and come away from it discouraged, or disheartened: Please know that that is not my intention. But, if my words make you feel self-conscious, or insecure, or even embarrassed, then you need to take ownership of your own feelings, and do your own soul-searching. If you have chosen to read CNGR, then that is YOUR RESPONSIBILITY.
Finally, there is hope for all of us, men and women, when we humbly seek after God, repenting of our sin and spiritual rebellion, and believing the Good News that a life and an identity that is rooted in Jesus Christ is so much better than any other life or identity. Nothing can separate us from the love of God. Just as I believe that pursuing Christ-likeness is the best and only answer for my brothers in Christ, I believe that the same is also true for my sisters in Christ, no matter how socially well-adjusted you might (or might not) be. And I am convinced that all who earnestly and genuinely seek to imitate Christ will become, as a blessed natural outcome, more and more socially well-adjusted.
And last but not least, to all the women who are actively aware of the aspects of their personality that need some work, and intentionally working on their soft social/interpersonal skills, who love their brothers in Christ and seek to understand them better, and who are faithfully pursuing Christ-likeness: GOD BLESS YOU. You are truly and deeply appreciated. Thank you. I hope that, in time, CNGR will be a source of encouragement, vindication, and validation for all that you strive for. Heck, I even hope to fall in love with and marry one of you someday!
Okay, that’s all I have to say. Until next time,