A Walk in the Life of Passion
And The Road Not Yet Taken
Like any little dreamer, I once pictured how amazing it would be to fly up into space. I wanted to be that one special kid who went up and flew around with the astronauts, just for the fun of it (and also to brag). But, as you know, dreams, especially those of younger ages, are fickle. And thus, my dreams changed. Astronaut became firefighter, firefighter became policeman, policeman became lawyer, lawyer became doctor. They were my life ambitions, if you could have called my 5 years on this planet a life. Now, I don’t know what I am, or what I want to be. My parents say that I’m not thinking enough about it, or putting my mind to it. I’m not focusing on what I need to focus on. And thus, my goals changed. I don’t know when it all started. I don’t know what to do to get out of it. It is as if I’m stuck in an endless chasm of a writer’s/painter’s/coder’s/anything block. The current state of affairs: my parents are fed up. They’ve tried everything. I’ve simply not expressed my interest in anything. In my early childhood, say between elementary and middle school, I was involved in at least 5 sports or classes or activities at a time. Then it all stopped. I became nobody, like literally nothing at all. For an entire year (I don’t remember which) I stopped playing any sports, didn’t join any clubs, and overall sat at home watching TV. I was, as my parents have been saying for the past few years, utterly lazy and worthless. It was as if I was on a road (like the one above) that stretched forever, leading to something (I hoped).
Besides, what could possibly go wrong? With a road that long, there were infinite possibilities, right? There would be some path out there, right?
As it turns out, yes. The problem wasn’t a lack of possibilities. No, in contrast my dilemma was (and is) an overabundance of possibilities. See, I wasn’t failing school. Straight A student, outstanding citizen, teacher’s pet. Nothing was wrong on the school side except passion. It was passion I was lacking. The thing is, I was doing well in so many classes that somewhere in that jumbled-up mess I call my life, I lost passion. Today, I’m still struggling. Sure, my social situation has improved, I’m still “ace-ing” my classes, and I’m on track to becoming my club’s president (knock on wood). Still though, I feel empty. I haven’t found what it is I’m truly interested in. And the hyper-competitive atmosphere surrounding me with students way younger already on a set career path doesn’t help much.
My only question right now is how to find that passion that I’m missing. Will I have to wait for it, following the road as far as it takes me, or will I have to jump into the corn fields, tackling the unknown as I go along?
Signing off on my first post…