#Onlinedating #Fuck off

Tinder, Bumble, Grindr, Match, POF, OkCupid and the list goes on and on and on. I have too many clients asking for advice on how to hit it big on one of these apps or sites. What is the meaning of hitting it big? Does that mean love? hookup? parcheesi partner? book club? Let’s face it we all have our own wants and needs but if you are on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, or Snapchat you already have most of your time and attention in your phone. Now lets add one or two of these dating apps to the mix.

You have now just entered The Matrix.

Throughout human history, we have been dependent on machines to survive. Fate, it seems, is not without a sense of irony. Morpheus

What the great Morpheus is telling us is that the “machines” which are our phones and internet have taken over our lives. You have now become the director of your own personal NSA program….congratulations. Jimmy is having pizza tonight with his boys and Tiffany is at the mall crushing on some guy … oh and wait I just matched someone on Tinder…let me check that first. He already sent me a message… let me respond with a “cool thanks.” Now lets get back to Tiffany’s comment stream… this guy seems interesting…I wonder if Tiffany is going to kiss him. OMG she just posted a picture…he is so cute. I am so jealous. Meanwhile on Tinder…the guy has already unmatched you because your attention was somewhere else.

So of course dating apps get the bad rap, they suck, they are horrible and useless. This guy just ghosted me out of nowhere for no reason. I was going to respond back to him. It’s not like there are 2500 other women he can talk too online is there? Sorry to burst your bubble but in 2016 everything happens in a snap. (see what I did there?) If you are in a food line at the stadium and another line opens up…you will immediately jump to that line to get those spicy nachos, stale hot dogs and warm beers. Online Dating has become that food line. If you don’t respond then they will simply go to another line for their spicy nachos, white picket fence and matching volvos.

Longer work days and less money is reality and personal time ranks as the most valuable commodity on the market today. Well sort of. If the internet was no longer available I believe time would come to a screeching halt. Imagine having to get dressed up every weekend just to meet people? Ugh, LOL. The struggle of that alone for people in this day and age would be overwhelming. The convenience of this day and age trumps civility. You don’t really know the guy or girl you just matched up with so who cares if you stop talking after just a few messages. There is no need to explain that you’re not interested or holding out for something better. Rudeness is expected and somehow always taken personal.

Time for revenge. “That MF is not going to get away with that, I will send him a message through my profile summary so when he comes back he will be sorry.” After writing 3 paragraphs on how this loser rejected her, she has at the end of her profile 2 sentences about her and of course the secret attraction potion…HIT ME UP. What she doesn’t realize is that Mr. Right is literally right around the corner and getting ready to peep her profile. What does he find? A well written…short but to the point romantic glimpse into her life and what she is looking for perhaps? Wish I could say yes but…what he finds is a woman scorn, in rage, and that is not very attractive.

Is it that people like drama in their life? Are they just not willing to take normal advice? Is it that happiness is what they want but just not right now? I think online dating has become like a huge Las Vegas buffet. You only have this tiny little stomach but want to try so many different items… not because you are a slut or a manwhore… but because you just simply….can. The availability of it all seduces us… like trying on dresses. If maybe their were only two dresses to choose from you wouldn’t be in the mall for 5 hours trying to decide. The divorce rate is high for this very reason. Cheating back in the day took a crafty mind and williness to go above and beyond. Now anyone with a phone can be tempted.

So my practical advice is somewhat old fashioned but listen up. Just like mommy and daddy told you not to bring toys to the dinner table… you should online date in the same way. Concentrate on one thing at a time and not go back and forth from app to app. If you have a conversation with someone try and get them offline as soon as possible. The quicker that happens the more real it becomes. Okay boys and girls thats my two cents for the evening. Time to check all my social media accounts. If you need me you might be able to catch me on one of those…if I don’t ghost you.

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