I’m not worthy
During our past presidential election I wondered what qualities were important to me in a candidate. Don’t worry, this isn’t going to be a blog about politics. I came across an article or something that mentioned George Washington (our first president) felt unqualified to be the leader of the nation. It said that he had to be convinced he was the right person for the job before he accepted the position as President of the United States of America. “If this is true,” I thought, “then this would be my number one quality.” Would anyone vote for someone who wasn’t even sure if he was able to do the job? I wonder how many people get the job, then after they celebrate the win realize that they truly aren’t qualified.
This is something that I struggle with daily. I would say that it started when I took the job as a full time student pastor, but truthfully, while I was the director of an AllStar Cheerleading program I constantly questioned whether or not I was qualified to lead the program. If you haven’t been able to tell by now, I struggle with self worth and confidence. The leaders of my organization are amazing, and I know that they wouldn’t put anyone in a position that they didn’t feel was capable of doing the job, but my own insecurities get the best of me.
Think about it, as a student pastor I am dealing with the lives of young people. So many students are walking around hopeless and hurting. My job is to bring them hope, coach them through what are some of the most difficult, but formative years of their lives, and equip them to be able to navigate their journey effectively and in a way that will bring them closer to Jesus. Honestly, I can’t think of anyone who is qualified for that job. It scares the crap out of me to know that so many people are looking to me to guide them, not only in life, but in spirituality. Every day I realize that I am the least likely candidate for this position.
Who I’d Pick
When I was thinking about the presidential candidate I’d like to pick, I thought of what was said about Washington. The one who stands in front of the entire nation and admits to be unqualified for such an honor and responsibility is the one who would get my vote. Why? Well, I don’t think it shows weakness. There is something very strong about someone who recognizes the weight of responsibility and how it will take more than just them to accomplish the mission. I want a leader who knows their weaknesses and is humble enough to admit they are unqualified, but out of a sense of duty and responsibility, step up to the challenge.
Like I said before, this isn’t a blog about presidential candidates or politics, it’s a blog about student ministry. I don’t have the authority to speak about anyone’s specific calling or how it works as a general whole, but I can speak about me and my life. The only thing I can gather is that God uses me here because I know I’m unqualified. The simple truth is that when I see all that I have to do, my only default is to rely on Him. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve looked to God and said,
“You brought me here, so you are going to need to do something.”
The truth is that my calling goes way beyond what I’m capable of doing. Being a student pastor is what I’m called to do in spite of my inabilities. Am I the perfect person for the job? I’d say no, but my best quality is the fact that I recognize that. For me, it’s probably less humility and more desperation, but that is where I find myself, with no choice but to rely on God.
Are you the right person for the job?