The Wayward Drifting of the Democratic Party

It’s been a while. And I’m not sure it’s good to be back… After weeks (if not months) of ignoring the news, I find myself binging on it now like a fallen addict. I’ve spent the last week held up in Memphis, catching up on all the political guilty pleasures I thought I was missing out on. It was a hard, rotten lesson learned… And it turns out I wasn’t missing anything at all. C’est la vie.
In a lot of ways it feels as if we’ve been locked in a stalemate since the inauguration. It’s like living in a vacuum — the air is dead, nothing’s moving, and we’re all just waiting on go. It’s been six months now and still the liberal bubbleboys on the coasts are hyperventilating. Meanwhile, the Republicans are pecking at each other like diseased hens, as the Democrats continue to sink further and further into the mire of opposition-party purgatory. They’ve become worse now than the GOP in every way. They are a nothing party with nothing leadership that stands for nothing. Like Hemingway’s old Spanish waiter, they pray, “Hail nothing full of nothing, nothing is with thee.”
It seems their mounting losses haven’t taught the DNC anything — despite the fact that voters just clubbed them like baby seals in the 2016 election. Even after sinking millions into a failed congressional race on the outskirts of Atlanta, they’ve yet to craft a definitive economic message and continue shamelessly wallowing in the refuse of identity-politics. It was the most expensive House race in history. They pulled out all the stops. It was their last stand — their Little Bighorn — and Jon Ossoff, the Democratic hopeful, their George Custer. But it was all for naught. Like most millennials he was big on image but lacked terribly in substance. In trying to be all things to all people, he managed to stand for nothing. In other words: he was a model candidate for the modern Democratic Party. And it all culminated in a poor young lad named Jon, whimpering in the corner like a Pomeranian in a hornets’ nest.
Despite the best efforts of the media — the constant barrage of demagoguery and spy-thriller level conspiracy theories — it turns out that voters still prefer President Trump’s Republican Party to the inept thugs at the DNC. But honestly, who could blame them? With leadership like Dianne Feinstein, Maxine Waters and Nancy Pelosi, the Democrats look less like an effectual political party than a book club for postmenopausal floozies on the take. They chew Wellbutrin and Valium like Tic-Tacs and make Donald Trump look like George Washington.
Breaking News: New York City mayor, Bill de Blasio, joins G20 protesters in Hamburg, Germany… Ha! Sounds like somebody’s posturing for a presidential run in 2020! Oh sweet God, that is rich… and all of this just hours after the targeted killing of New York Police officer, Miosotis Familia. That should go over well back home… De Blasio foolishly flew to Hamburg under the impression that the hordes of protesters and anarchists are demonstrating against President Trump. They’re not. At best, the American president is an afterthought. They’re protesting globalization. And in that regard, they’ve found a most unlikely ally — the big orange man in the little white house.
And so it goes on and on into oblivion… the wayward drifting of a Democratic Party that’s both fifteen years behind their base and bitter in the mouths of independents. They bob in the waves like a plank of rotten wood, too far to wash up on shore and yet too near to float out to sea. They’re just kind of there. And they’re ugly.
