Change Your Questions And You Change Your Life (PART 3)
It’s answer time isn’t it? Part 3 where the mysteries of the human condition will all be solved, right! :-)
In addition, aren’t there countless other articles written every day that give us simple answers as to how to change our lives? Even with such a plethora of resources only on rare occasions do we ever do what is suggested. Why, when there are so many straight forward approaches to improving our life do we never follow through or give them more than just a cursory attempt? Again, why is that?
What could it be? Isn’t the most common question usually, “am I afraid of failing?” Or more rhetorically, “I must be afraid of failing, right, that must be why I don’t?”
I decided to take a look at failure that and these were the top two definitions I found!
-lack of success
-the omission of expected or required action
Hmm, well as I looked over my life I saw mostly discarded bones and carcassses of missed opportunities, subpar relationships and memories filled more with regrets then happiness.
When it came to work, while I had accomplished many things, like playing two pro sports, running a very successful company, was a top performer in a sales job I saw the same thing. Other then a few brief periods I had been mostly miserable. I definitely was lacking in success!
As for definition number two, Yes, of course I was omitting the required actions and repeating the same life over and over. In fact I saw how I had been on cruise control as I circumnavigated the globe of failure day after day.
That admission sent me down the all to well known spiral of rolling in my own sadness and self abuse as I kept telling myself what a failure I was.
I said it so much that a new question popped. With a slight change in tone I asked. “Since you fail so repeatedly, are you reeeally afraid of failing?”
Like a deer in the headlights I froze as my mind confronted the paradox it had just created! The truth is, I wasn’t afraid of failing one bit. In fact, each and every day, like a teenage thug I walked right upto it and said, “HA!, you think you can stop me! Not a chance! I am going to go right out there just like I did yesterday and the thousands of yesterdays before it and do exactly the same thing I have always been doing. You don’t scare me!
We only avoid those things we fear and I sure as heck was not avoiding repeating the same miserable pattern day after day. In fact, I was relishing it.
Looking over my life and the lives of those I have ever known or watched, I saw the same thing. If we aren’t where we want to be it has nothing to do with being afraid of failing and EVERYTHING to do with being afraid of SUCCESS!
You feel it don’t you? After three articles we are finally at the answer. This is the part where I drop the nugget and then the little price tag that says, “pay me this and I will tell you why you are afraid of success and my little answer will be the secret to unlock the mysteries of your life! Are you ready? Do you have your credit cards and checkbooks out????
The answer is this! I don’t know why you are afraid to succeed because I am not you!
What I do know is that if you aren’t living the life you want it isn’t becasue you are afraid of failure! Not one chance! No, your fear is in succeeding. What your reason is I couldn’t tell you without knowing you.
What I can share is that in my own case it was becasue I didn’t know what a life of success would look like and that scared the hell out of me. I knew how my friends and family would react if I stayed where I was. I didn’t have to worry that they might not like me if I changed. I knew failure, I knew what it smelled, tasted and felt like. I could count on it and trust it even as I bitched and moaned about how much I hated it and CLAIMED I wanted to succeed. My thoughts, actions and questions showed that to be a lie.
Do you know what denial stands for?
Didn’t Even kNow I’m A Liar
In that moment out of gas and therefore unable to once again circumnavigate the globe away from success, I asked some new questions!
Do you want to continue lying to yourself?
Can you continue feeling this pain, frustration and disappointment?
Exhausted and defeated my reply was, “no!”
Are you ready to try this path that has been waiting for you but scares the hell out of you?
Are you willing to trust that not knowing what is going to happen is actually the best thing?
My answer was, “Yes!”
In that moment and each and every day since then, my life has been completely different. I won’t explain it because I can’t. It would never make sense until you do it yourself. As a great mentor of mine once said, “it is always much more powerful when you find it on your own!”
So the questions are yours! Which ones do you want to ask yourself in this moment? The ones you ask and the answers you provide will determine where your life goes!