The right type of conflict at work taps into our psychological wiring to make teams perform better and feel more connected.
Shannon was the new hire at her accounting firm— young and ambitious. After spending a few weeks on the job, Shannon discovered a real inefficiency in the company’s database, and it was costing her hours. Shannon had been a part of another organization who did things differently, more efficiently, to Shannon’s way of thinking. Feeling like she could really help her new company, Shannon ran her ideas past a coworker, Bree. “What do you think?” Shannon prompted, expecting Bree to share her enthusiasm at the possibility of saving hours of tedious work. Shannon was surprised when Bree’s expression was noncommittal.
“Yeah, that sounds great.” Bree said, but her face said something different.
“What?”
“Well, I mean people are used things like they are, and Eugene will probably have a lot of questions if we don’t stick to the protocol.”
Bree had said “questions”, but something about her inflection made Shannon wonder if it might be more than that.
Shannon never brought up the idea again. And that great idea was buried before it even began, along with so many innovations that never see fruition in organizational life. At CoBUILD, one of our biggest fears is to allow the Shannons in our team to be stifled by a culture that says, “belonging means not rocking the boat.”
Belonging. We’re wired for it. And when we feel our sense of belonging is at risk, we’ll go to great lengths to protect it. Our need to belong can be a catalyst to collaboration and it can be the reason for subpar results. How do we manage the innately human need to belong with reality that great performance requires the type of conflict that can threaten that very belonging? We know the best performing teams willingly engage in tough conversations. They give and receive feedback. They disagree. Regularly! Consensus is hard won; ideas and processes are challenged. The results of this type of rigor are teams who are committed ever increasing excellence and whose members are invested in their collective cause. But the need to belong and the threat of being made an “outsider” often keeps individuals from risking the kinds of debate necessary to yield results.
High performance requires systems and people to be put under pressure, tolerate struggle, and even move towards challenge. And that requires psychological safety. People need to know their belonging is secured even in disagreement. The challenge leaves some organizations settling for professionalism and pseudo-connection. At best, this creates workplaces that are polite and efficient. But they never rise to the level of excellence and innovation. Those qualities require a level of professional vulnerability that demand psychological safety.
We’ve all seen it. Lack of accountability. Spinning wheels. Lots of meetings with lots of talking and very little action! They’re symptomatic of unsafe organizational culture. And though we’d like it to be otherwise, cultures where it’s safe to disagree are as fragile as they are rare.
At CoBUILD, we work hard to cultivate and maintain a culture where it’s not only safe but encouraged to disagree with the status quo. One of CoBUILD’s six key values is tell the truth and rumble well. It’s how we keep our team connected to each other and encourage conflict. Frequent conflict is proof that every member of the team feels they belong. And more conflict leads to better results.
Let’s get ready to rumble!
We learn about Maslow’s hierarchy of needs in school, or perhaps through pop culture. It makes perfect sense: how can we worry about our self-esteem if we’re struggling to find food and shelter? How can we become the best version of ourselves if our interpersonal relationships are a mess?
Notice right in the center of the hierarchy is the need for belonging. Before someone can feel accomplished in their own life, they need to feel a strong sense of belonging — to a partner, to their friends, within their family. Without this sense of belonging, humans achieve the same level of self-actualization as a tomato plant in a chicken wire cage. They are safe, they are alive, and they’re just going through the motions.
In the workplace, we can ensure that the environment is physically safe and secure, and that employees have the basics they need to get their work done. But to bring the whole team to their highest potential, we must bridge the belonging gap. This is where we bring in a different triangle. The five dysfunctions of a team, as outlined by Patrick Lencioni, can serve as a stepping stone to get employees from going through the motions to having pride in their work and their purpose in the organization.
If you describe your team with any of the following phrases:
- “We all get along perfectly here”
- “Everyone’s on the same page”
- “We come to a consensus right away”
- “There’s no arguing or fighting here”
What you should hear is:
- “Everyone is afraid to speak up”
- “We all defer to one leader’s ideas”
- “Our meetings are ineffective”
- “Nobody asks for help or feedback here”
A lack of conflict is symptomatic of an absence of trust. Team members who conceal their weaknesses and avoid asking for advice are worried that their sense of belonging will be damaged by doing so — they can’t trust that their teammates and supervisors will have their back. And because they aren’t presenting their ideas or identifying pain points, there’s no conflict on the team.
So, before you start demanding employees get in six fights a day and equip everyone with boxing gloves, make sure you’ve created an environment of trust that makes each team member feel their opinion and skills hold value.
Then, it’s time to build the team’s shared toolbox around doing conflict right.
CoBUILD is, among other things, a construction company. Construction as an industry doesn’t have a reputation for being conflict averse. But the conflict you might expect on a jobsite usually seems more like a fight between a parent and their teenager instead of a productive workplace discussion.
Because we place so much value on the relational intelligence of our teams, from superintendents and project managers to trade partners in the field, that style doesn’t fly. But it’s still vital to ensure people are speaking up and pointing out problems when necessary. So, we’ve worked to ensure the team is fluent in rumbles.
Brené Brown describes a rumble as:
a discussion, conversation, or meeting defined by a commitment to lean into vulnerability, to stay curious and generous, to stick with the messy middle of problem identification and solving, to take a break and circle back when necessary, to be fearless in owning our parts, and, as psychologist Harriet Lerner teaches, to listen with the same passion with which we want to be heard.
This is the conflict you need in a team, because it’s informed by a basis of trust.
Building the term and definition of “rumble” into the CoBUILD shared vocabulary has changed how we approach conflict. Differences of opinion on how to tackle a task turn from person-vs-person to team-vs-problem, because everyone shares their commitment to a high-value result and isn’t caught up in protecting their ego. Hierarchies, politics, and posturing are factored out and honesty, perspective-sharing, and accountability are factored in.
As a team, while we were learning this new skill, we kept track of the number of rumbles each team member participated in each week. This Key Performance Indicator was just as important as the weekly finance snapshot and project timelines. From May to December of 2022, the team conducted over 800 rumbles. Reinforcing the importance of conducting rumbles early, often, and well led to stronger feelings of interpersonal connection and higher-rated levels of communication among teams. (Yes, those were also KPIs.)
There are so many factors to feeling a sense of belonging in the workplace, but if you let a lack of conflict fool you into thinking everything’s fine, you can’t unearth any other setbacks employees might be facing when it comes to achieving their best at work.
Encouraging and rewarding rumbles is the first step to discovering what your team is truly capable of while helping them feel more trusting and committed to the mission at the same time.
