How I Learned to Stop Worrying And Love My Disabled Life

My disabilities are invisible, but no limit me from driving or living on my own. Here’s how I learned to accept my dependence on others.

We’ve all heard it. The expectation for all of us is that we’re supposed to find a job right out of college that somehow sustains our lifestyles right out of the gate, never mind that most jobs require “experience,” even when they’re listed as “entry level.” Nevermind that the national minimum wage hasn’t gone up in decades. Let’s put all that aside for a minute.

It’s damn hard to find a job when you are unable to drive on your own safely. You might have to take the bus — which is tough when you also have heat sensitivity and could die on the way to the bus stop. What’s more, buses that are supposed to arrive every hour on the hour can often be over an hour late. To ensure you get to work on time, you have to wake up at the crack of dawn and go walk to your bus stop, which may or may not have seats for you, most likely not.

In order to take the bus safely, you have to live somewhere close enough to a bus stop for it to be practical. Oh, your parents live off in the suburbs where bus stops are few and far between? Well, then you gotta live on your own. That’s another $600 a month minimum for a tiny ass studio apartment, and oh? You sometimes have seizures or psychotic episodes? Well, you’ll just be in the hands of your neighbors in that case, and they might very well call the cops, getting your disabled ass killed because you’re acting erratically.

So you can’t live or drive on your own safely. That’s a lot to swallow. It’s enough to make you spiral out. What do you do about it? You find meaning in your life that is not dependent on your ability to work a traditional job and produce income.

I’ve gotten back to writing, which I feel is my life’s calling, and I’ve submitted my projects to television writing mentorship programs. I’ve also been developing discord bots that are designed to help people with mental health issues, one that reminds people to drink water, take their meds, etc. every certain number of hours, and one that automatically censors triggering words and puts content notes before messages containing them.

I have a Youtube channel where I’ve been streaming Paper Mario — though I sometimes have technical issues like the emulator won’t cooperate with my streaming software. I think people find it calming, as I do.

I realize I have a certain amount of privilege that enables me to be dependent on others instead of out on the street due to my conditions. My hope is to use that privilege to help people. And that’s something I try to do every day. This isn’t how I imagined my adult life, but I’m doing my best with what I have.