6 Amazingly Insane Ways To Prevent An Ebola Pandemic

Now that Ebola has made it to Dallas, it’s time we all looked at how we can prevent the spread of this deadly virus.

1. Never wash your hands after handling fried chicken.

It’s greasy and Ebola finds it hard to stick to you.

2. Make sure you are always wearing a condom.

This means everyone. All the time. I’ve got two on right the fuck now.

3. Don’t use the toilets at the mall.

Not only do you run the risk of infection, but you might also get pregnant.

4. If you come in contact with Ebola

Don’t make direct eye contact. It only makes him angry.

5. If you think you have been exposed…

Add 2 Parts Sprite, 1 Part Deep Eddy Vodka, and 1 Part Clorox Bleach in a mixer with ice. Shake well and pour into a martini glass that’s been rimmed with arsenic (cyanide can be used if it’s all you’ve got.). Or, if you’re feeling social, invite your friends over and do straight bleach shots.

6. And finally, when in doubt…

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