Calm down about your birthday!

This planet is currently facing a birthday crisis. With over 7 billion people littering the earth, we can’t be celebrating every person’s birthday every year. The number of obligatory, empty Facebook acknowledgments must stop as they make everyone feel worse.

Luckily, I assembled a small panel of concerned citizens who met and solved this problem. Here’s what we’re going to do.

1. You are free to publicly celebrate your birthday every year up to the age of 21, except for age 19 because that’s a ridiculous age to celebrate.
2. You are free to publicly celebrate your birthday every decade after that, e.g. 30, 40, 50, etc.
3. You are free to publicly celebrate your birthday every quarter century, e.g. 25, 50, 75, 100.

INITIALIZE BIRTHDAY POLICY.
DEPLOY.