Crashing the McDonald’s Grand Opening with my dog and my Lyft driver

At the last second, I decided to bring my dog Scout along to get my oil changed. What the hell. It would be about an hour and we’d go on a walk.

When I got there, I found out it was going to be two hours minimum because one of the techs hadn’t come in (If you really have to know, it’s because her grandma is sick but her manager isn’t buying that because he has sick family too but he still works and why was she taking photos before the wedding yesterday? That’s just another unexcused absence in his book. I tried to explain engagement photos but he wasn’t having it. I think he’d go with Walter Sobchak’s, “The world doesn’t start and stop at her convenience.”).

I said I’d get a Lyft home, and hoped my dog wouldn’t be an issue. But when I went to book, it looked like it was a peak time and would cost about $20 to go 2 miles. I was confused, so Scout and I started walking down the busy street while we waited for the app to calm down.

That’s when we happened upon this.

Just your typical McDonald’s Grand Opening.

That’s a grand opening of a McDonald’s complete with Ronald McDonald, a radio station, and a marching band.

Why?

Scout and I had no choice but to wander through the chaos and marvel at it. I checked the Lyft app, and since it appeared that things had calmed down, requested a pick up.

Ryan, the driver, called to figure out exactly where I was. I told him McDonald’s, so he headed for the empty building across the street where McDonald’s used to be, but instead is now located about 500 feet north. Because that makes sense.

He realized his mistake, darted around a minivan, and found us waiting for him in the parking lot.

“There’s a band?” he asked incredulously, once we were in the car.

“Yes! And Ronald’s there!” I told him.

Back on Sunrise, we discussed our options.

“Should we go back?” I asked.

“I think we should. It sounds amazing.”

“I want a picture of Ronald holding Scout,” I said.

We went back.

We pulled in like VIPs and parked two spots over from Ronald. The ribbon cutting ceremony had started, so we joined the spectators.

Just your typical McDonald’s Grand Opening Ribbon Cutting Ceremony.

We tried to figure out if those giant scissors were rusted shut, and if a ribbon would materialize out of thin air.

Ryan took photos and video, and said he was documenting everything.

Just your typical City Council members at a McDonald’s Grand Opening.

Lots of people were noted appreciatively, including City Council members.

Why?

Just your typical terrified employee at a McDonald’s Grand Opening.

I managed to get Ronald’s attention, and then forgot myself and waved exuberantly. It was like being too ebullient around Bad Santa. I was shut down immediately so I went back to crying laughing.

Just your typical charitable contribution at a McDonald’s Grand Opening.

A big check for $500 was given to a local church.

Why?

Then it was time for the ribbon cutting ceremony. A ribbon did materialize out of thin air, and people gathered like they knew what was going on. Ryan sprung into motion, so Scout and I followed him.

“Which side are we on?” I cried after him.

“This side!”

He decided we had graduated from mere spectators and were now part of the ribbon cutting folks. His height meant he could be in the back and still get in the photos. The woman with the big, allegedly rusty, non-working scissors told me it was fine to stand next to her.

I found that interesting, considering I was crying laughing and holding a dog but she insisted.

So there we were, Scout and I, standing behind a ribbon, right next to the woman doing the honors. Even more people gathered and took photos like we were Roger Federer being crowned the Wimbledon champion. I wish I could say I was as gracious as him, but Ryan had to tell me to look serious about five times. This still did not deter the woman next to me, who we believed was the owner.

Afterward, we got pictures with Ronald, ahem Mr. McDonald, and he did a couple McJokes for us (I think they’re trademarked, so I don’t want to repeat them here, but I’m sure any three-year old you know could make up McJokes just as good).

Just your typical dog pushed past his limit at a McDonald’s Grand Opening.

Then I got in Ryan’s car and requested he drive me and Scout home.

UPDATE:
My boyfriend found a picture of us cutting the ribbon!

It was a lot of hard work. Feels good to finally see it all pay off. Scout’s favorite restaurant is back in business!