Masks and Secrets

Cody Lanwermeyer
Jul 28, 2017 · 2 min read

I had a talk with a friend about what we don't tell our family and friends back home. First off and what I guess you need to know to make sense is that we are Marines. Now I'll never tell everything I have experienced. Somethings civilians will never understand. So my first mask comes into play. The one that separates the Marine in me and the civilian me I use to talk to family and friends. I could separate it further but I'd get lost in my thoughts thinking about it until I decide you don't need to know. However the best way I can describe the masks people have is by giving you an example of yours. You probably talk and act different around your grandparents than when you are with your love interest. So with every mask secrets are hidden within each one. Some of mine are necessary, but a lot I just don't trust others with. Tonight I'll trust you with these. The reason I have headphones in public situations, why I listen to music when I'm sleeping, why I sleep close to the wall every night, why I hold on to people to tightly, and why I have a problem with conveying what I feel. I'm an introvert so I spend time in my head so I know the reasons why. Headphones are for my public anxiety, the music keeps me focused on what I need, not worrying what someone is thinking if I said the wrong thing or if the person 3 tables away is a threat. I listen to music at night for the same reason, I'd stay awake thinking of everything if not for the stories music tells me. I sleep close to the wall for comfort. Its protection from nightmares and why I love when someone else sleeps next to me, or in my bed (my dog counts as well until he tries to kick me off my own bed). I hold onto people because I fear isolation and saying goodbye for the last time. Finally the reason why I don't like conveying my feelings. Im scared of what you would say or do if you know how I felt. My head races through all the possibilities until I decide silence is best. I wrote this so I'd have one less mask. I think masks get in the way, and encourage you to let go of some of the masks you keep.

Cody Lanwermeyer

Written by

A guy just living with a heart

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