Day 10: To My Crush
Do you like me: Yes or No?
Remember how much easier it was to ask that question? You wrote a note, sent it around the class to your crush and they replied or discarded it. You never put your name, but everyone knew who it was going to and who it was from. At least within your network. The anxiety was unrivalled, worse than when you pretended to take out your homework book without work in it after the teacher noticed it was missing.
Now, it's a mess. Maybe it's simpler, I don't know, but it's a mess. There's all kinds of power play in the equation. The rejection hits you much harder, it seems. The daydreams are much more vivid. And if you feel you have made that connection, it feels deeper. Could be because the older you grow the more you understand what your feelings are. The more you understand something, the more delicate it seems to you.
Why do we make it hard though? What's the end game here. I thought it is to build a connection with someone, learn what makes them who they are and explore them in all aspects. Of course it isn't one sided, they do the same with you or at least they should want to. Maybe it's the fear factor that comes with it, I don't know, I'm just sorting through my emotions. You probably are too.
I remember the day we met. I remember what I wore. From the shoes to the hairstyle. I remember our first conversation too. Actually I remember everything that day apart from the street because I'm shit with directions. I'm sure of that because I was lost when you met me 🙈
I liked you at first but I wasn't ready to say anything about it. Why? I have no idea, I just wasn't. It isn't weird, is it?
I enjoy your company, love your laugh (it's from the diaphragm, I like that), you're actually interesting though you seem to not see it. Im nervous when I call you, it's exciting when you call me (I do cartwheels in my head, I'm serious)
Problem is, I don't know how to tell you, but I guess I am in this post. I like you 🙈😘