Chaos inside my head

In the midst of my despair, I realize how I stabbed myself countless times for the people who have left an impact in my life. Most likely, how they left a scar on my wrist. It’s sad, I know. How the silence hurt my ears, how the rain that touches my skin burns, and how happy songs made me depressed.

I hate how I wanted to be important and how It made me angry when I wasn’t.

It was a battle between myself and my thoughts, I always lose. Because I always let the devil get the best of me. I’m such a sucker for drowning myself with alcohol and waking up sober with the pain still remaining inside of me and my heart aching over a guy with a contagious smile and captivating voice. I was so obsessed with making him ‘the one’ that I actually forgot that I had to be ‘the one’ for myself first.

It’s annoying. Seriously. How I have all these expectations from people that would only make me happy temporarily. I pushed myself into the person I feared the most, and in that moment, I hated myself more.