I need to get out of bed. I have to eat. I need to go to the bathroom. I don’t feel like it.
I wonder what other people think like. Am I normal? Am I okay? I’m not. Haha… Oh no. When I try to talk nothing comes out but squeaks and whimpers and people are going to notice and start avoiding me and I bit a person once, why did I do that? Everyone should die.
I just need to drink some water. The kitchen is too far, I’ll make noise that no one is around to hear. Just lie still and stop thinking about it. Think about the round about in the park. Round and round, keep going. Keep going around. I’m happy and it hurts. I can’t move. Just move, just a toe to remind your body that it works. Okay… switch the light off, I have to sleep. What’s my name? No no no turn that light on, I’m scared. I wish I was child. Remember the tarmac basket ball court? You were happy there. I remember the glass, too blunt to hurt me. I want to hurt myself. I could cut right there, that little piece of skin. Nobody will look. Everyone is blind can’t they fucking see?
The sun comes up at 6am. I have to close my eyes. I’m starving. I have a jar of peanut butter, I remember I only ate some of it last time. It’s cold. This peanut butter jar is empty. Did I forget? Not again, what date is it? Keep it the fuck together when did you eat the fucking peanut butter. Is it Tuesday tomorrow? It’s okay, it’s okay. Just go to sleep. What’s in my bag? What did I leave in there to come and ruin me tomorrow. Go check. I don’t want to. Papers upon papers why am I such a mess I know something is wrong but I don’t know what if I just knew what time it is everything will be okay nothing is okay just go to sleep.
I looked okay today. I took a shower. Oh wow I’m making progress. I stuttered and shook, couldn’t even finish a sentence. You know they know but do I know? Is mirror me, me? I have to find out. I’ve been wearing these socks for days now I have to put on a new pair. I don’t feel like it. There you are, I missed you, don’t leave. I’m happy again. just turn off the light. It’s dark, just go to sleep. I’m scared, put on the light. Just go to sleep.