confirmation bias.

are we “too smart for our own good” sometimes? perhaps. my dad has struggled with his life choices. no one is perfect, but my relationship with him is not as strong as i wish it were because we have not ever lived together, grown together, or experienced life together. when i was little i asked my grandmother, “why whenever big scott gets out of jail do you continue to support him knowing he will make the same bad choices”? she replied “how do you know what choice he will make this time. we can look at his track record, but how would i feel as a mother if i did not support him this one time, and it ends up being the last time god would give me the chance to support him ever again. i would then live with regret”.

im learning that our perception of others reflects ourselves. sometimes we look for things to confirm our habitual beliefs that we may or may not be conscience of. not to say we should not use history as a gage, or trends as a compass. but with people it can get tricky. its not always so white and black. “you think you know, but you have no idea” type of thing.

so i decided to get with my grandparents and try something different. maybe as a family we should decide how we want to approach supporting my father together. maybe we need to get help on how to support him. maybe we are the ones that should look for change. after all there is a lesson in this not just for my father. but for me and my grandparents as well.

A traveler nearing a great city asked an old man seated by the road, “What are the people like in this city?” “What were they like where you came from?” the man asked.“Horrible,” the traveler reported. “Mean, untrustworthy, detestable in all respects.”

Ah,” said the old man, “you will find them the same in the city ahead.” Scarcely had the first traveler gone on his way when another stopped to inquire about the people in the city before him. Again the old man asked about the people in the place the traveler has just left. “They were fine people: honest, industrious, and generous to a fault,” declared the second traveler. “I was sorry to leave.” The old man responded, “That’s exactly how you’ll find the people here.”

“if you change yourself and become the kind of person you desire to be, you will begin to view others in a whole new light. And that will change the way you interact in all of your relationships”- John C. Maxwell