Recap: Rupaul’s Drag Race Season 9 Episode 2 “She Done Already Done Brought It On”
Hello, it is I, TUN-GARTH THE INDOMITABLE, taking a break from ripping apart the fibres of the universe to give TUN-GARTH’S TAKES on Rupaul’s Drag Race, Season 9 Episode 2: “She Done Already Done Brought It On.”
Last episode left us with a cliffhanger. One of the previous queens would be returning, like shoving a screaming, cackling hen covered in makeup and spanx into an already overcrowded coop. And the wide-assed plucked pheasant Rupaul chose was none other than Season 8’s Cynthia Lee Fontaine.
Cynthia Lee Fontaine, if you didn’t know, was diagnosed with Stage I liver cancer shortly after wearing the ugliest pair of hotpants in Drag Race history. The show no doubt will remind us of said cancer at any and every opportunity, up to the moment when Cynthia goes home. And Cynthia will go home. She won miss congeniality her season and has this thing where she says the word “cucu” a lot, usually in the cadence of a joke.
It’s exciting, to see Cynthia again, really. She certainly had charisma in her season. Maybe facing death has imbued her comedy with some much-needed grit. Maybe traversing the edges of one’s mortality has broken and reshaped Cynthia into something resembling a well-rounded comedienne, I think to myself. Oh, what’s that? She still says cucu a whole bunch? Ok then.
The girls enter the workroom and watch Rupaul make a bunch of references I don’t understand, then comes Rupaul, this time taking the form of a human male. He has a special guest with him, Lisa Kudrow. You know, the lady from that genre-defining, worldwide smash television show… The Comeback? Which you, a viewer can watch on HBO?
“Lisa motherfucking Kudrow, I am gagged,” squacks one of the queens. Indeed.
And then the Kudrow is gone. The challenge this week is to perform sports in front of Rupaul, particularly the sport of “cheerleader,” with which I have only a passing familiarity. The girls choose teams, and after frontrunner-for-picked-last Jaymes Mansfield narrowly scrapes by with a pity pick from Nina, Valentina is the last to go. This makes no sense. In the sport of cheer, you throw people in the air for the amusement of crowds, yes? Valentina is frail, light, and easily throwable, like one of the many pigeons I’ve murdered in a fit of rage over the years. She should’ve been picked first. I bet that bitch could get some air time.
First commercial break. Why do only three commercials play on this stream, and what homosexual in their right mind would be wooed by the dulcet tones of license-free music and amber filtered shots of children running in sunshine to actually set foot in a fucking Cracker Barrel?
Back to the show. Hey, remember how Jaymes Mansfield was doing really bad before the break? Well guess what, Jaymes Mansfield is still doing bad. And remember how Cynthia Lee Fontaine says “cucu” a whole lot? Guess what, she’s still fucking saying “cucu” a whole bunch.
The girls pick parts for their routine, with each part like a dwarf from Snow White- Sneezy, Sleepy, Flirty, Bitchy, Doc, etc. Jaymes wants to be “Floozy,” but there must have been a typo because she’s clearly reading the part for “Mediocre.” Eventually she switches to “Snoozy.”
Some more stuff happens. They meet the muscle bottom of the week, also known as a “coach,” and learn a bunch of flips and cartwheels and other such nonsense, including hoisting up Charlie Hyde’s 52-year-old husk onto their shoulders. Despite being a mountainous pile of flesh and inflated ego, Eureka does ok.
Even more stuff happens. Trinity Taylor approaches Cynthia and says something to the effect of “I, Trinity Taylor, am ok with the fact that you had cancer, and in my magnanimous benevolence I have walked over to tell you this. I hope you have less cancer in your body now, and if you wanted to discuss the cancer with me in further detail, I am ‘here’ to ‘talk.’”
Showtime. The girls are all wearing the same cheerleading uniform, which makes them sort of blend together. They start with a chant that really should’ve gotten a writer fired. The girls then unleash a cavalcade of gymnastic buffoonery on the audience, which, if we’re being honest, wasn’t half bad. Jaymes manages to make “Snoozy,” an inherently low energy character, too low energy.
The runway theme is “White.” Inspired. Standouts are Charlie Hydes and Valentina, who go with the more obvious (and memorable) themes on “white”- “winter” and “marriage.”
Hey, remember how Jaymes Mansfield did kind of bad in the first episode, then did bad for most of this one? Well turns out the judges saw that she did bad and informed her that she, in fact, did bad. I suppose the one thing you can’t fault her on is consistency.
Valentina wins and we all learn a valuable lesson: If you stay positive, believe in yourself, and are born with immense physical beauty, you too can defeat opponents who have been honing their skills in the art of drag for decades.
Jaymes is in the bottom (I too am taken aback at this sudden turn) and alongside her is Kimora Blac for her forgettable performance and confusing white-blue-gold proto-American sailor dominatrix ensemble.
“Well, was anyone surprised by Jaymes going home?” asks Ross Matthews in the post-show commentary.
“No,” says Wendy Williams. Thirteen queens remain.
Tun-Garth the Indomitable is the puppet-king of a small galactic empire. Posts are handled and translated by Cole Steffensen . Comment below or on twitter!
