Is your bedroom a storage unit or a sex palace?
My beloved is not feeling as amorous as I am at this moment, apparently, as she rolls over in bed and picks up her Kindle. I make another advance by caressing her thigh in hopes that she’ll join me in some pleasure before closing our eyes on this day. She reaches for my hand with her free one and simply holds my fingers gently while continuing her slightly obsessive affair with Stephen King’s words. I wonder if I should try and redirect my energies toward my own Kindle rather than commit more energy to this bid to share intimacy with her.
It’s been a hard day of heavy frustration around the clutter issue in our home. Again.
We never seem to get to a place of contentment and today she informed me that the clutter piles in the bedroom create a lot of anxiety and feelings of overwhelm for her. She made it clear that she has a hard time relaxing in the room and I think she was hinting that her inability to relax fuels her inability to share intimacy. *sigh*
Does any of this sound familiar to you?
Might your intimacy be waning in correlation to the random piles of clothing, shoes, papers, bags, laundry baskets, etc. that are building in every corner of the room? Is that sweet loveseat you brought into the bedroom in hopes of having some more privacy and a cute cuddle space turned into a mountain of clothing that always needs to get put away?
I want to offer some inspiration and quick remedies to help you both create a space that encourages relaxation and a vibrant, intimate life in your bedroom.
First, each of you needs to figure out how you want the room to feel when you walk into it. Having an intentional conversation about it will allow each of you to share your hopes and new habits for this room. I would love to encourage you to see this room as your sacred sensual sanctuary, inviting you to relax and feel excited to see one another in this little bubble of yumminess.
Secondly, schedule some time over the weekend for you to work as a team to clear the clutter piles and laundry so this room is not a catchall for randomized debris. Be ruthless, purge the obvious clutter, but dig deep, friends, purge your bedside table drawers, your overstuffed clothing drawers, and anything that might be dying a long, slow death under the bed.
Thirdly, consider changing the room around physically, whether it’s moving the furniture in a different configuration, moving the art around, using a new paint color, or perhaps a new bedspread. Get creative. The goal is to make it feel different to create a pattern disruption of your current behaviors. The thought is that if the room feels wildly unfamiliar to how you normally see it, there’s a much higher probability that you won’t do your usual habits such as throwing your clothes on the floor or the loveseat, dropping the laundry basket in the middle of the room to empty it later (hopefully). Ideally, you will want to preserve the work you did to clean it up so that you can revel in its clean and sexy vibes.
I also want to remind you that this is not a “one-and-done” situation. Keeping a space tidy, organized, and peaceful is an ongoing endeavor. I urge you to see your efforts as an investment in your sexy, intimate life and your gorgeous connection to one another. It’s got a great ROI!