Anxiety and the Barber Shop.

Imagine this, you’re on a Broadway stage, bright lights shining in your face, a crowd of people eagerly awaiting you to…just say something. Imagine this same scene, but now sitting in a barber’s chair. This is the exact feeling I get every single time I go into the barber. Not because I love performing on stages, but because that is the most terrifying thing to me. I like many American’s have anxiety. There are lots of different forms of anxiety and how it affects us in our daily life, but for me the absolute worst anxiety attacks I get are at the barber shop and not a single person would know.

I sit anxiously awaiting my turn to go up and sit in the chair for my hair cut, I’m okay though because I can fiddle with my phone or read a magazine, I feel somewhat in control. “Next” is the trigger for me to start a small panic. I let out a tiny smile to let them know I heard because god forbid I try and speak and not be able to say something or accidentally say something completely awkward and embarrass myself. I get up and start approaching the chair, luckily by now I’m familiar with the girl who cuts my hair. She always asks if she can take my glasses for me or if I want to hold on to them. Why does she still ask this question after many years of cutting my hair? I change my mind every time I go in. Sometimes I let her take them, sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I can’t find the breath to utter the words “I’ll hold them” so I hand them to her instead. She throws the large drape over me and my hands are now useless, I can’t fiddle with my phone or read a magazine. I have lost any and all control of how I cover up my anxiousness in public.

I’m now on stage, I feel as if the entire room is staring at me. Breathing has become one of the hardest things to remember how to do, The thoughts in my head of what I should do or say are racing like the Daytona 500 is in its final moments. She asks if I want my usually hair cut to which I always nod. She politely asks how my day was going and I say okay. By now she’s aware I don’t find it comfortable to hold a conversation while getting my hair cut so she turns to the other barbers and has a conversation with them while cutting away at my hair. This makes me feel normal, this helps me relax a little bit. Once she is done I get up and walk across the room to the register where I pay. I realize how sweaty my hands are and how shaky I am. Until a few months ago they always asked me to spell my last name (it is ridiculously long believe me) but for some reason I think they understand, They know that conversations here are tough for me, they know that I struggle to just survive here. They tell me the amount, I hand them my debit card and they type in my last name from that. I continue to go back to this barber shop because they make it the most comfortable I’ve ever been at a barbershop. They recognize small ques from me and know not to force conversations, or make things difficult for me that are simple for most. Recognizing signs of anxiety in someone and reacting properly to them can change someones entire life.