Stop Saying “I’m Sorry”
Well, at least in 90% of situations.
Growing up you’re taught a handful of phrases, but some are more important than others. You know to say please and thank you. You know to ask how you can help, rather than sitting back and watching others. And you know to say “I’m sorry.”
As none of these phrases should go unsaid, one, in particular, loses its meaning or at least takes on a meaning that no longer fits once you hit a certain age. And that phrase is “I’m sorry.”
As you grow, you tell someone you’re sorry if you hurt them, or you called them a bad name, or if your brother is being an ass and you try to manipulate the situation to come out ahead only to have your parents see right through it and make you say you’re sorry. What a hoax that one is. In any case, sorry is always preceded by a wrongdoing toward someone else, but that’s where the edges become blurred.
As we grow up, sometimes you need to do something that’s probably not the best thing to do. Or you need to make a decision that someone is not going to like, but it’s for the betterment of someone else. People will want you to say you’re sorry, but that’s an admission of fault when there was no fault to begin with.
In the working world, as we all come to find out, mistakes are made. Mistakes are inevitable. Someone is bound to screw up. When you screw up at work, however, you’re not exactly hurting someone else, but instead, you’re hurting the collective group because your mistakes could cause any number of things. You could:
- Lose the company money
- Lose the company a client
- Create a cancerous environment
Screwing up is OK, but saying that you’re sorry doesn’t fix the problem. Sorry doesn’t provide a solution or make up for what happened. Only actions will do that. Sending the client the information they requested in a timely fashion. Cleaning up your own mess to rectify what has happened.
Whatever it takes, cleaning up rather than saying “I’m sorry” will go a long way. But this still isn’t getting to the real point I’m trying to make of when and where to stop saying “I’m Sorry.”
The biggest place in which we need to stop saying “I’m Sorry” is in our own lives, toward ourselves.
Personally, in the past year, I have all but forced myself to stop saying “I’m sorry” for things I’ve done to myself. Sure, most of the time I’m only saying the phrase in my head in situations that I’ve conjured up, but those situations stem from real problems that I thought I had created. I thought I needed to be sorry for everything I’ve ever done in the past.
It was as if not having said sorry was causing my life to look less than stellar in my own eyes (I blame either Catholic guilt or Midwestern values on that one). In reality, though, the only thing keeping my own mind from moving forward was the fact that I thought a phrase would fix old problems. All saying sorry would do was give me peace of mind, it’s not like anything would go back to some place it used to be. We’re not wizards, Harry!
But this doesn’t apply to just myself. We all have those moments of “If I would just apologize it would be better.” But that’s not true. Sometimes apologies just put bandages on the problem, instead of actually fixing them. Apologies sound great, but they’re just an easy way out.
Adults should have more understanding about themselves and their surroundings to know that an apology won’t make the hurt go away. Or make their lives magically turn into perfection. So stop saying you’re sorry and instead find a way to fix the situation, no matter where in your life it is.
