Research and Touch Me

As you already know, here at the Outtitute Institute of excellence we, are constantly on the lookout for the latest, greatest and most innovative ways of breaking new ground in the field of research.

We brought to you the wonderful findings of the published report on the investigation into to links between halitosis and eating human excrement. Our boffins were also the first to raise the issue of Mad Cows Disease and its effect on Oysters. After force feeding the little buggers beef burgers for 3 months they all thought they were World War II Japanese pilots and attempted a raid on a US navel base. The experiment was a complete success as we sold the film rights to Jerry Bruckheimer for his his smash big block buster “Pearled Harbour”

Our next line of research will be looking at the effect of internet pornography on the work environment. We are looking for volunteers to work in two separate offices. One will have access to all the porn the web has to offer, while the other will have none. The researchers will then monitor: Office Moral; Work Efficiency; Levels of Sexual Harassment; Trips to the Toilet During Work Hours and the Level of Tissue Paper Used.

Anyone wishing to apply please phone 0898 JOBWANK that’s 0898 5629265 leave your name and address and whether you’re right or left handed. Female applicants are not allowed to bring battery operated devices due to recent noise pollution laws.

Slack Boy Dim (Editor)

NB: Research can only help students earn money, buy alcoholics drinks and give people with nothing better to do something to live for. Please consult a doctor before having an operation. Your home could be at risk in the event of a nuclear war.