Dear Optus, it’s Not Me, it’s You

Dear Optus,

Wow. We used to be so good together. Do you remember the warm days in Brisbane we’d spend playing Xbox, the nights we’d Netflix and chill away?

But when we moved to Sydney you changed. You went from cable to dsl. You only opened up to me 7am to 7pm Monday to Friday. You wouldn't even email me my bills.

Look, I know I’m not blameless. That time you needed money and I accidentally put it into the old account. Sorry. But after our little fight when you refused to communicate except through Twitter I thought we sorted it. You said you could journal the money into our new account and all was good.

And yet I noticed you still didn't send me a bill. You promised me Optus, and you broke my heart.

We soldiered on though, didn't we. We even occasionally Netflixed. I thought we could be good again.

And then last Friday you left me. Permanently.

I have spent 4 hours trying to get hold of you. It’s tough. You like to leave me on hold. And when I’m speaking to you it feels like you have a dozen personalities. How many times do I have to explain the situation, show you the messages where you promised to journal the money across to the new account?

Instead, in a rage you sent the money back as a cheque (which I still haven't received).

If you could just cancel that cheque and journal the money across we'd be even, we could try to forget our fight.

But apparently not. You have permanently disconnected me, and it would take more than a $230 cheque. According to you would take something like 7-10 working days to reconnect us.

Well, I'm not made of time. My Xbox goes unplayed. I'm flirting with this hottie called mobile data, but they're burning a hole in my wallet.

No more. I need a stable relationship with someone willing to Netflix each night. I need to end this before either of us get more hurt.

I am sorry to do this but I will be contacting the officials, the ombudsman tomorrow and trying to find as painless an exit as possible.

But I'll try to remember the good times Optus, and hope you do as well.

Love & hate,

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