How vulnerable are you willing to be?

I desperately wanted to be married. I always did. In kindergarten when they ask what you want to be when you grow up, I never had to hesitate. “I want to be a wife and mommy.” The trouble is that at age 35, I was still single and had no prospects. I tried doing lots of things that didn’t make a difference. I thought about why and what was wrong with me (or them). I cried. I complained. One day while meditating, it came to me. Happiness is like a pendulum. If I wasn’t willing to be vulnerable, I could only expect so much happiness, and I wanted more. To get the kind of happiness I craved in a romantic relationship I was going to have to get really vulnerable. The thought of that was really scary. I didn’t want to be taken advantage of. Didn’t want to look foolish. Didn’t want to waste my time. But mostly, I couldn’t bear the thought of having my heart broken that much. Still, there was no denying, that is what it would take.

The question became, how do I get more comfortable being vulnerable? They say the quality of your life is determined by the quality of the questions you ask. This was a good one. In the stillness of questioning, I came closer to myself. Closer to the essence of who I truly am without concern for who I should be or who “they” want. It was from that knowing that I was able to attract people around me who were genuinely interested in knowing people like me. The energy I was putting off wasn’t confusing any more. And, I was clear about who I was and what I wanted.

How vulnerable are you willing to be?

Today I have been happily married for over 15 years. I have two amazing kids and everything I dreamed of, but could never have found playing it safe.

What’s next? how about business. It looks like the pendulum for financial success is a lot like the pendulum for romantic success. How vulnerable am I willing to be? Very! The power of vulnerability is what brings me closer to myself and all of humanity. It breaks barriers and opens doors. After all these years, we have become old friends.

How vulnerable are you willing to be?

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