
My Sons,
Just like you watch your mother and I now, one day, someone will be watching you, and it will be long before you have children of your own! You’ll live and you’ll learn — you’ll make mistakes and you’ll correct them.
Believe me when I tell you that your words have the power to destroy or to compose. Every relationship that you form has the potential to be torn apart by rash words — similarly, every relationship that you form has the potential to be strengthened by thoughtful words. In the day and time that you grow, there will be countless outlets for your words to be seen and heard. It is, therefore, of supreme importance that you understand the power of words and exercise control over them. The simple thought of “how will what I’m about to say impact those who hear it” is a filter worth applying.
There will be times that you speak, type, text or otherwise without remembering the power of your words or without considering those who may hear/read what you say. In those moments, show humility and courage by apologizing. Don’t apologize in such a way that deflects blame, but apologize by owning your mistake. Don’t say, “I’m sorry that you feel that way, but…”
Own it.
YOU don’t get to decide if someone else should or shouldn’t be offended by your words. YOU don’t get to decide if someone is being too sensitive. YOU get to decide to humble yourself and to apologize. You’re human, and you’re imperfect. People will understand that. Speak words that give life, not words that tear down. You will make mistakes, but you have the power to humble yourself and ask for forgiveness.
Inspiration
My two year old son often says “I’m sorry” for no reason in particular. I’ll regularly tell him that he has nothing to be sorry for (which is usually the case when he says those words). On the other hand, I’m pleased that he’s willing to say those words. I can only hope that he and his little bro will be so willing when they are teenagers! Right now, I can’t expect my two year old son to think about everything he says, because he’s two and he is limited by his vocabulary and his understanding. However, the willingness to apologize is a beautiful thing, regardless of age.
There is a balance. If we stand up for what is right, and we do it with love and compassion, we have nothing to be sorry for. Parents don’t have to apologize for telling a child to be home by ten, even if it upsets the child. A person can disagree with a lifestyle or a decision made, but that doesn’t entitle a person to slander or verbally abuse someone else.
Do everything in love. Love is the ultimate filter — even more than the consideration of others. Is this coming from a place of love? Will this tweet or post display love? What is your motive? Think first — apologize if necessary. See, my son George apologizes even when it’s not necessary. We all have the capacity to think first — to show love and compassion. Then when we inevitably make mistakes, we all have the same capacity to own our wrongs and to apologize.
I don’t want to raise wimps. I don’t want my kids apologizing for not throwing the ball accurately enough or for not jumping high enough. I want my kids to be thoughtful and considerate of others — especially in regards to words.
For The Parents
Set the example. By owning your mistakes and apologizing when necessary, your children will learn by example that it is ok to apologize. It’s not a sign of weakness, and it’s not an admission of defeat — on the contrary, apologizing takes courage. We want our kids to build lasting relationships all of their lives, and learning early on to think about the power of words is a great advantage that some kids never experience until near-permanent habits are formed and damage is done. Raise thoughtful children who are brave enough to apologize when necessary. Their life-long relationships will be a testament to your parenting in this area.