“The Grumpy Fish Selfie”
No, I am not talkin’ about some fish that looks pissed. There is already a grumpy cat lurking on damn near every meme I come across, this is even more confusing then that shit. Now, I am not entirely certain, but I am almost sure that for as long as I could remember, I smiled in my fishing photos. Now, there were plenty of times I was pissed, or cursed the sky, when losing fish. That is all the more reason, why that catch you made is a reason for celebration. Let’s face it; even the smallest of our catches will garner a grin akin to a small child finding the cookie jar. It brings us back to the days we remember from our youth, and reaffirms why we are out on the water in the first damn place.
So, why is it today, more so then ever, that people just look out right pissed when snapping that picture for their desk, Facebook, or fishing forum buddies? It isn’t a wide spread issue either. Fill free to Google just about any fishing photo related content, and you will be brought to an amazing assortment of folks that are happy as all get out. So, what is the back story of some of these more angry anglers? Was it the end of a skunk streak, or just somebody trying to look like a hard ass? I spent some time finding the grumpiest people on the web with their catches, in an attempt to figure out the grumpy fish selfie…
To start us off, we have this young man from Southern California. He appears to be on a float tube. In his defense, I will say that the face condom does have a very solid purpose. When you are out on the water all day, and hovering just inches above the water, your face gets beatin’, and bad. One of the first times I went out on my pontoon boat, I forgot to put sun screen on my legs and feet. What resulted was the worst sunburn in my life, one that my dermatologist friend said I should have gone to the hospital for. I guess my contention with these damn things, is that they certainly are used more as a fashion accessory, then a long term cancer deterrent in most cases. On our friend here, we see that not only does his face condom match his hat, but his shirt and life jacket as well. Sure, maybe his favorite color happens to be blue, but who the hell accessorizes like that on the water? Are we spending more time waxing our boats and ironing out our fly fishing shirts, over actually getting to the lake now? I think what is more telling, is that there is a smugness goin’ on here under that mask, one which certainly isn’t being hidden by any means.
Next up, we have the hardy, and often time technical walleye angler. In truth, I have never really been able to pin down the all around walleye persona. They sure do seem to be some of our more tougher fresh water anglers, often spending long hours in weather as shitty as snow storms, to early morning frigid temps and rain. It’s to nobody’s surprise that when it comes to “geardos”, that they have the best all weather gear around, and for good reason. I must say though, that when a walleye guy lands a trophy, more often than not they look like assholes once that camera comes out. Maybe it’s the frigid temps, or maybe it’s that they spend a lot of time on the ice starring at their flasher. This portly fellow here has that always welcoming “I am better then you” look, and is not ashamed at the least. He even has his head tilted to the side a bit. Photoshop an arm holding a gun “gangsta style” at the camera over this, and it would make for the best walleye rap album cover ever, should somebody be stupid enough to produce a walleye rap album. If they do, it should be titled “Big Jigs & Cash Rig’s.
Despite being one of the most overcast and dreary lookin’ places in the United States, our friends in the north west section are blessed with some good damn fishing opportunities. Much to my surprise, I was still able to find some pissed off lookin’ folks in the Washington area. In this particular shot, we have what looks like a family enjoying a great day of salmon fishing (or whatever those trout lookin’ bastards are) and some keepers that would make any angler a little jealous. With that said, I have no idea who is related to who, or in what capacity. The only one doing anything right in this shot is the cute one in the Abercrombie & Fitch scarf. Not only did she land one dandy salmon/trout thing, but her smile matches the excitement that she must have had landing it. Next to her however, stands a woman that looks disgusted to even be holding a fish, let alone two. Maybe it’s the cute one’s mom, or (more realistically) a step mom who is pissed that this son stealing hussy did better than her. Up next, is what I assume to be the dad? Wouldn’t it be the case, that the patriarch of the family, and probably the one that showed these assholes how to fish in the first place, caught the least. Sorry dad. As soon as Christmas break is over you can kick those kids outta the house and go back to walking around the living room naked. And last, we have your quintessential Washington outdoorsmen, the next in line to take care of the family. He is as tall as a redwood, and has eyes like flint stone. Although he too has a damn good catch, it is not as big as the cute ones. So, why on earth is he looking like he is running shit with that smug grin? Just because you look the part, doesn’t mean you are playing the part. Besides, if you are married to the cute one, you better get used to being wrong. Like, all of the damn time kind of wrong.
What better way of rounding out a day modeling for the NASCAR catalog, then to go fishing. Actually, I think this was a recent article banner on “Wired 2 Fish”. If the intent here is to show how sharp the hooks are, and that you can dig said hook into your bicep down to the shank bend, then I am sold. I am not sure what this was even supposed to reference in the article, and overall looks stupid. To top it off, not one fish is this dude holding up. I will say I would be pretty pissed too if I did that, and was stupid.
As much as I fancy myself a catfish angler, I am at a loss in regards to where the Mekong catfish is caught. I am too lazy to look that shit up, so let’s call him Asian and move on. The Mekong catfish, can reach gigantic proportions though, like monster movie size proportion. A fight of this caliber, on rod and reel, is going to be at the least a three hour minimum. Anglers from around the globe, travel and spend large sums of money for a catch like this; proudly talkin’ about it up until death. So why does this guy looked pissed? I guess most would say that’s it’s a cultural thing, or that he has to “look strong” for his village and shit, but that isn’t too different from everybody else in the world. Yet, everybody in some way, has snapped a picture like this, and I am sure I have as well even though I don’t remember. The fact is, that I would punch a baby to catch a fish like this, or at the least devote intense work into getting that chance. Maybe that’s why folks make grumpy fish faces, as it takes so much time to get “that fish”. I am sure this gentlemen went through that struggle, and for that, maybe he has earned his grumpy fish face? Maybe all of these pictures embody that?
Nope! Most of us have posted pictures like this, and for good reason. To round out our journey today, we have the saddest angler yet. For one, I know from personal experience that fishing on rocks just sucks. You have nowhere to sit that has comfort, and snags are almost expected. This guy happens to be holding a very respectable flat head. Cat anglers are not innocent in the game of grumpy fish selfies. Big cats don’t come along often like this, and most people quickly turn away from this fishing culture. When cat anglers do land a shot however, they apparently emit a laser beam from their fuckin’ eyes. In this addition to the family hallway, we see that the man has enacted some kind of curse, possibly a witchcraft casted on the catfish itself. Hell, the flat head has devil eyes goin’ on too! Whatever is going on, let’s hope that nobody decides to hotspot the area during post-spawn.