Adult At School: Chapter 2:
COmpuuuters! Friends?
My school doesn’t change class rooms or teachers, so I have Mr. Rasmussen for all classes. Truly.
My favorite subject is computer class, which is really lucky because that is the only subject they teach at my school. I love computers and music. Iron Yard is a place that I get to learn most of these things. Again it’s just computer class.
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Working with Gilbert Gottfried on my shoulder, I was building my first website. I was searching the CSS code, trying to stylize some font to look nice on the home page. The title was coming back bold and I couldn’t figure out why.
Whispering to Gilbert Gottfried, I explained, “Fonts can be all sorts of sizes and shapes and..”
“wow!” Gilbert Gottfried interjected.
“…color.”
“Hey how bout that?”
“..yea…”
“the thing is color is very impressive, but how about the girth?”
Cuttingly I replied, “Now. We actually say weight, we don’t say girth when referring to fonts, Gilbert Gottfried. I would probably not say that word in general though. I don’t care how much style you think your font has.”
“But-”
“No Georff! dont say girth. IT’S WEIGHT!”
Suddenly, Mr. Rasmussen walked by and saw Gilbert Gottfried on my shoulder. He started punching at my back.
“Spider!” Mr. Rasmussen screamed, still punching, “IMA Squash him!”
“Dont squash him. I’ll go put him outside.” I said, as I walked out the door.
Walking past the breakroom, there was Rick. He had graduated from the program a few months before and sometimes used the space
Gillbert Gottfried cats “I wish he would try to squash me with his sack of boobs.”
Quickly, I shoved Gilbert Gottfried back in my pocket.
“Sorry, what?” Rick asked.
“Oh I didnt say anything,” I said- knowing it wasn’t technically lying because it was Gilbert Gottfried that actually said it.
[Tip#1 Never lie to a friend…is a tip I think is a good tip about how friends should treat each other]
As I was refilling my coffee I noticed that Rick looked sad. I wasnt sure how to comfort him and didnt want to assume he was sad, so I asked, “were you crying?” Which was as tactful as Ive ever been.
Rick replied, “yea. heh. sorry. just going with some things with my girlfriend, ex-girlfriend. eh- I think we are really broken up this time.”
“Sounds like you need a friend,” I said, withholding a smirk.
[Tip#2 When a guy goes on the dating market, he really just became available on the friend market.]
“Yea. I think so. I didnt realize all my friends were her friends. Or that I didnt need friends because I had her.” Rick remonised.
Rick didnt have any friends either! Trying not to smile, and not to jump with joy, and swim in his lonely tears, I said, “Well... I just had some plans fall through this weekend, if youre around.”
“I was supposed to go to a concert with Ashley, (‘the ex.’) But yea if you want? You can have it. As just friends of course”
“Of course. Friends. I’m not gay anyways. My best friend is. But he won’t be coming,” I said punching, Gilbert Gottfried in my pocket. I think Rick is the most perfect friend I have ever seen. He didnt have any other friends and what else could you ask for? I wasnt going to let Gilbert gottfried ruin this for me.
“Awesome! sounds fun,” Rick’s spirits seemed to be improving. That’s what friends do.
“Heh heh. Yea! Awesome. So who are we seeing?” I said.
“Creed” Rick said.
“What?”
Rick laughed, “Yea I know. I actually like listening to Creed. I especially like Scott Stapp, the lead singer”.
I turned-heel and walked away.
In the hallway, Gilbert Gottfried popped out of the pocket and declared, “What a bitch! He was all, ‘I actually like listening to it’. What a bitch. At some point someone asked the lead singer of creed. Scott Stapp. If he could sing, and he said yes. Then they made a band. Creed could have been avoided if he wasn’t such a fa-kakta ass hole and said no. I cant sing. but instead he said. Yea- Fuck him. And Rick.”
“yea…I mean. thank Allah I asked because I- I, I mean what if I had gotten in the car with Rick? I’m not signing up for a life of friendship where I have to listen to that shit.”
“did you say Allah?”
“yea, I just think that Islams can be friends”
“lawls”