Patience, Patience
They say it is a virtue. In my recent experience of 4 months of no sexual contact with my wife and looking into at least another 8 months of the same total lack of fulfilment I am starting to understand patience as a skill.
Peoples roles in relationships are multi-faceted. If you picture each role you fulfil for your partner from lover to chef to a second set of eyes for a jacket you are thinking about buying as a separate circle in a Venn diagram you will soon see how broad your relationship is and how much sections of your life your partner has an impact on.
When an important portion of this diagram has been removed the balance may be off totally however it is important to remember that the other circles are very intact and functioning totally fine and as my most cherished circle has been removed temporarily it is not an excuse to remove others. Yes, my wife will not even give me a hand job but that is not an excuse to become a worse parent or to become a less enthused driver. When I lay out the time this process is going to take it is stupefying. I have been married since September 2019 and estimating that my sex life is back on the tracks by January 2024 it would mean I would have spent 23% of my marriage living a celibate lifestyle and I am only 33% of the way through this time. It can be intimidating and upsetting to have to look at this. But being patient is the task for the future. If I consider the distance from the time my wife (Then girlfriend) and I went to the cinema and then came back home and watched films until 2am until today (64 months) and examine that period of time as a percentage of our relationship (98 months) we have elapsed 65% of our relationship since then. It feels like that was just yesterday but if I had been waiting on a package since then or even worse waiting for sexual release it would have felt like 1000 years at a bus stop in heavy rain.
The point I am trying to get across is that the key to surviving this period of time is developing the skill of patience and having a positive outlook on the future. Being caring and kind and remembering that even if a part of my relationship is gone it should not bleed into any other aspect. This is an excellent time to develop other aspects of my relationship and remaining calm and tolerant of my wife’s disinterest in my sexual needs in unfortunately a requirement that I have no option but to meet. I can understand her position much like I can understand the position of the Taliban however it is not something I can ever accept as the normal state of affairs in our relationship. What is one year out of a lifetime? It is an opportunity to develop patience.
102 and 23 days
