An Open Letter to “C.D” and his supporters (Jenn Smith, Kari Simpson, Laura Lynn Tyler Thompson, and Frank Vaughn)
This is an open letter in response to this case: https://vancouversun.com/news/local-news/b-c-appeal-court-rules-transgender-teen-can-decide-on-hormone-treatments
As of recently, the father in this case has been attempting to come forward and publicly talk about the case despite a publication ban. Currently, there are anti-transgender rights activists who are capitalizing on this and interviewing the father. I am coming out of hibernation in order to discuss the issues with this.
Dear C.D,
I’ve never written to you before. You don’t know me, but recently, thanks to the power of the internet, I’ve learned a lot about you.
I’m not writing this letter to vilify you or argue with you about your moral contentions. Those are your own that you’ll have to deal with someday, but I really want to know if this is going to be the hill that you’re going to die on.
I want to tell you, many years ago, I loved someone very much. Sadly, for me, it turned out that although he loved me, he wasn’t in love with me because he is gay. This person grew up in a conservative religious family and I believe that he was taught for a very long time that the way he was born was a sin. Again, I’m not here to tell you about what your moral convictions should be. But, what I can tell you is that this person experienced severe mental health issues and many years later he moved home with his parents. At this point in our relationship, I had learned about this magical thing called perspective and forgiveness and also… how not to be an a**hole. He was seeing someone very lovely at the time, and he asked me to bring him along with my travels to my home city so that they could spend some time together. So, I did. No questions asked. Because, despite my bruised ego, I still loved him and it was actually the right thing to do. Upon my arrival, I was invited to stay for dinner. I experienced the most awkward dinner of my life because one of his parents clearly had an issue with my friend’s partner. It was awkward because the parent wouldn’t acknowledge the partner or even look at them… instead spent a lot of time talking to me as if it were “the good ol’ days.” I felt sad because I could see how much it pained my friend. So, I ask you again… is this the hill you really want to die on? The hill that causes your child pain and anguish?
Again, I’m not going to vilify you, C.D. I understand that the reason you are behaving this way is because you are grieving the life that you had expected for your child. But here’s the thing: It’s not your life. It’s their life.
I know my relationship with my parents isn’t perfect. I think we both do things that we wish the other wouldn’t. I no longer live in the same city as my parents, so we don’t see each other as often as we used to. But sometimes, I’ll simply say, “You decide the type of relationship that you’d like to have with me. If I come to visit, and every time you nag at me, or try to persuade me not to do something… We’re just not going to have a pleasant time, and eventually we’re not going to have a pleasant relationship.” I don’t expect your child to have the maturity, or emotional regulation to say those things. But, I hope you’ll consider thinking about what kind of relationship you would like to have with your child before you make choices that are hurtful.
**************
Now, everyone else… Jenn Smith, Keri Simpson, Laura Lynn Tyler Thompson and Frank Vaughn, this message is directly to you:
Again, I’m not going to sit here and talk to you about how I feel about your moral convictions. Similarly to C.D, they are your own that you will have to deal with.
Jenn Smith made this post today and continues to make posts like this:
First of all. The rights of a child should always come before the rights of any parent. Kids come first. Always.
This is not a free speech issue. This isn’t about a father being gagged from expressing his opinion. The court ordered publication ban isn’t about screwing over the father, it’s about protecting the identity of a marginalized child.
This publication ban isn’t aimed only at the media. The father has the responsibility to also abide by this publication ban. It prohibits him from publicly sharing his identity with a connection to the case because it will directly lead to exposing and outing his child.
It’s not rocket science, so stop playing semantics. This is really quite simple. Kids know who their friends’ parents are. Parents know who their kids’ friends’ parents are. Teachers know who kids’ parents are. Communities know who kids’ parents are. You’re not just “talking to your friend, C.D.” You are outing a child as being trans to their entire community and putting them at risk. Not only that, you’re putting this child at risk to serve your own selfish gains to promote your own moral contentions and use it as publicity. You’re not thinking about children at all. Shame on you. This child is not a pawn. This is a child. A child who has been forced to make adult decisions, and I’m not talking about gender affirming care… I’m talking about the fact that they now have to be a part of a legal circus to ask you to simply stop being ignorant. What child do you know of has to find a lawyer just to defend themselves? Put your moral opinions to the side and think about the fact that this is a child that you are messing around with.
This isn’t a free speech fight, this isn’t a fight about moral contention, it’s not “left vs. right” this is a fight about being a decent human being in regard to a child. I didn’t think this is a line that we would be stepping over, but you all have proven me wrong unfortunately.
I have to say though, playing semantics and pretending you don’t know anything makes you look extra dumb, particularly if you’re out there purporting to be some kind of expert when you’re not.
Jenn Smith, this message is particularly for you. About a week ago, you made a comment regarding my disapproval of you sharing a photo of a TransCare BC employee, you said: “If you don’t want your name and the company you work for in the General Public, then don’t post it on posters all around town and poste it all over social.”
Well, Jenn… I don’t want to be the barer of bad news, but one of your dot com’s still has your personal information on it that you haven’t redacted yet. This is not a threat, nor blackmail. You can’t spin it as doxing because it’s public information. As an aside, I’m just wondering, how would you feel if I posted that publicly online for everyone to see? It is public, so by your own logic, there’s nothing wrong with that, right? My suggestion would be if you don’t want this to go any further, you might want to go ahead and step down now.
Sincerely,
Concerned Islander
