evolution towards compassion at two levels

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André 3000, letting his true self shine through. Photo: Janette Beckman

You were trying to avoid the unavoidable, you were trying to not be the person underneath that skin, you were trying to be something else, something other than you. You are exhausted from living in dissonance, your soul hurts and begs you to stop. But you kept it on for a long time, because in the self-critical brain, you and your flaws are not enough for the world, too much for a solid romance. Until your exhaustion sets in and you are commanded to be in your body no matter what, it says: you need to pay attention to me, please, get some sleep. And you awaken feeling a simple but profound truth: you’ve got nowhere else to be, you are beautifully stuck as you. …


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Melting brain tissues.

And what if I have no valuable words? A powerful and concise permutation of words does not always evolve from what seems a potent thought. Sometimes the thought exists, persists, leads you to change your actions greatly; but it never gets delivered to others. Writing can sometimes just be meandering, but meandering around any sort of place can allow you to notice new things. When I am without purpose, my gaze is not confined to the spotlight of conscious attention. What have you noticed without attention? What ideas and feelings have flowed into your melting brain tissues, and perhaps, flowed right out? …


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There are two kinds of ecstasy: the kind that will produce sensations from the peripherals moving inward; then there is the other type of ecstasy, that experience of pleasure, pain, instability, beauty, death, life, all at once, this type of ecstasy starts from within and moves outward.

After I spill my thoughts out, I stand a bit more erect, shake my head side to side, sit with myself. I feel the tendons and muscles along my arms that connect up to my shoulders relax. I am able to let my fingers, that are normally pulled up slightly when my hands are at my side due to the tightness in these tendons, relax downward. Not a forced relaxation, not a conscious one either, but that I can just sit a little easier, sit back on it, be in my body, slight smirk on my face. …

Connor Love

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