Small Fish, Big Pond.

Today is my first day starting a Masters course in a very, very large University.

Transplanting an inflated ego into a large world.

Its Monday morning. Im starting my final year in the academic world. College has been very kind to me in the last three years. After progressing from an unconvincing academic result from my second level exams, I was released into the world with a brusied ego and a lack of self confidence of my knowledge. I wandered into a course that took my results as plain sight, a starter course for a different life. I graduated in TV and Film production with the idea of “Everything will be alright”. I continued into practical work, ‘trying’ to create professional video work and almost succeeding. Again I finished that two year course and would up in the highest course in the smallest of colleges. A degreee year I thought would never happen. It was the hardest thing I ever have done. Going from doing three years of practical work and then being sliced into a theortical course felt like I was a lost soul being punished for the fun (Although hard work) I had gotten in the previous two years.

Imagine condensing three years of a degree course into a one year course. Now imagine doing that and travelling three hours every day on public transport. Now imagine knocking all these together with a four thousand word essay due in that week. I could not comprehend how difficult it was. I was working hard to fit everything in but half way through the year evrything really went ‘tits up’. My driven powerhouse of academic inspiration, my mother, passed after a long term illness. After the initial mourning, the sense of loss, total depression, raging anger and the incomprehensible sadness I took an oath to finish my degree. Im delighted to say I did and finished it. However this isnt the topic of the story.

Today is my first day starting a Masters course in a very, very large University.

Oh how the tables of confidence have turned and how it can be struck by putting a very small person into a very large room. At the time of writing this I am literally sitting in a room that is made up of a milltion tables and chairs. I am sitting alone awkwardly with my ‘venti latte’ from the fake Starbucks, (Its next to the law building and theres no copyright issues. Wat.) typing on one of multiple LED lit apples in the tree.

My day started waiting for the nine AM, forty seven bus service. Its warm but as usual in Ireland, its raining. I have come from a college that is set up in a very diverse area so I am used to seeing all amazing sights of dress colour and age, however, here. Wow. Why is everyone dressed up like they are going to a nightclub? Am I missing something? I huddle down into my thick, duvet of a jumper trying to drown the sounds of diesel engines from the road. Eventually a large group converges to try and steal the all important beep of the ticket machine on the bus. Its packed. Everyone looks like they’re twelve and going to they’re first underage disco. Apart from the girl in the front right seat where she looks like shes going to the Burning Man festival. Its Dublin you damn hippy, get some proper shoes. Harry Nilsson’s “Everybody’s Talkin” is lulling in my earphones. I hope the rain stops soon.

I get off at this stop that looks like if Grand Central Station was made out of gazebos and pop-up tents. Companies indulging on the lost souls of new students, trying to sell their new product to people who dont really care about it and who are only trying to find their classroom, the toilet and coffee. Wouldnt mind a coffee right now actually. I find the building where my course will be situated. Its a swanky, old historic cream building made of brick, motar wood and marble statues. A sheer contrast to the new steel and glass thats trying to emcompass the masses in the campus. What also has a sheer contrast in the lack of people. No one is in sight. I wander aimlessly into the building being careful not to stand on the gaps in the wet flagstone. No one is there, I am an hour early. Back to reality I guess and the search for coffee.

Crossing the street I stroll past the Law building. Everyone looks hot coming out of the glass revolving door. I should have done law, it would have made me wildly attractive. Again contrast seems to overwhelm me. The skinny black jean and black and white Nike parade tends to be a dominant fashion on this part of the city. The odd hippy on they’re fixer bicycle cycles past, again flip flops on a wet day. Multiple nineteen year olds who think campuss is a runway hoarde in groups prentending they are in the movie “Mean Girls”. Fifty Percent of them will probably drop out anyway so I just smile to myself and focus on finding my caffeine fix for the morning. This leads me to this empty restaurant with a relatively pissed off barista contemplating life in this fraudulent Starbucks.

Anyway my day went well. Im a national person in an international class. Im twenty three and everyone seems to have vastly more experience than I will ever have. At the end of the end the race is long and its only by yourself I guess. Here goes nutin’..


P.S — The second day is already better..