Passion is the answer to every question... Right?
Passion. It’s a stupid word that somehow has become everyone’s catch all answer whenever they don’t know how to give you a real one to a questions about what to do with your life. I’ve come to the conclusion that whenever someone wants to get out of a serious conversation about your future, the go to answer is to say “just do what your passionate about” and all of a sudden the receiver of this stupid answers eyes glaze over and they’re fired up about some stupid thing for a day and then back to where they started. To me its equivalent to a politician saying 9/11.. it’s just something that professors and councilors say to get people to woo it up and GTFO and be inspired without anything actually being done.
I graduated college just over a year ago, which makes this fall the second one in the last 20 years of my life that I’m not heading back to school and having a map laid out in front of me of what this upcoming year is going to look like. Basically since the beginning of my junior year of high school, everything has revolved around finding my passion. Apparently what I am passionate about is the deciding factor on the college I choose, where I live, my college major, internships, classes, jobs and basically every other decision. Well here’s the problem… I’m still not sure what my passion is or if I even have one for that matter. For me passion has become such a daunting word. I realize now that I hate that word. It has corrupted my brain into thinking that I’m missing something. That I haven’t had some eye opening, heart wrenching experience that everyone else has. That I’m behind somehow.
I was always a great student, I consider myself an optimist, and I get along great with people. I give my best to everything and make a point to try not to complain. I believe the technical term for that is first child syndrome. People pleaser, perfectionist, knower of everything… I’m the textbook definition. Which means if I’m going to be passionate about one thing and pour my entire life into it, it had better be pretty effing good.
This stupid word has made me question my decisions the whole way. Yeah this school is great, yeah this major interests me, yeah this career is awesome but am I passionate about it? It’s the end all be all. I’ve been thinking at some point the sky will part and the light will shine down upon something to show me this is it… right? This is the one thing that I love doing more than anything else. This passion will challenge me and fill my body and soul and because I’m so passionate about it I will also be rained upon with piles of money and “never work a day in my life”. Not. Bloody. Likely.
Again this brings me back to… what’s missing? Why don’t I have this one thing? Why don’t I fit a mold? I love playing pick up basketball. Am I so passionate about it I want to make it a career? A. no. B. impossible. I love going to the gym. Am I passionate about it? Yes. Do I want to be a personal trainer? Not at all. And what else am I supposed to do with that passion? Nothing. It’s a hobby that I enjoy. I love my close friends and family. I’m passionate about my relationships that I hold dear. Can I turn that into money?? Not without the school provided wrapping paper catalog I used to sell in grade school.
I love photography. I love movies. I love art. I love woodworking. I love fixing things. I love the outdoors. I love technology. I love houses. I love cars. I love new things. I love pop culture. I love money. I love the changing seasons. As a heterosexual male, I’m basic AF. So according to a millions of articles and books out there I should be able to connect all these things to figure out the perfect, incredible, miraculous, amazing, wake up every day fired up, never experience the Mondays again, combination of everything I love, job that will make my life a dream and make me rich. I don’t see it.
I don’t know what I looked to accomplish with this, I just knew I needed to get it out. Thank you