Leaving anxiety behind

Anxious thoughts can quickly transform into obsessive ones when their content is personally significant for the individual, but living with the anxiety for most of my life, to me, in its entirety, is an obsession.
6 a.m. I’m already awake and stop the alarm one minute before it rings. With a deep sigh, I get up from my bed, and while walking towards the bathroom, I begin to plan my day. Each chore is accompanied by an anxious thought which usually starts with ‘’What if…’’
The first on my list is an appointment with my GP- ’’What if I don’t find any taxi and I’m extra late, and she won’t take me, and my condition will get worse, and I have a bad infection which will transform into something else…’’ And the next image is with me in the coffin.
And probably you’re rereading the last sentence, thinking that you didn’t see right. But no, the word ‘’coffin’’ is right there, black on white. Because each of my anxious thoughts frequently ended up with losing something: job, relationships or in this case, my life.
After the visit to my doctor, task number two would be a visit to my electricity provider. Even if I know approximately where the building is, ‘’what if it’s not there or I won’t find it? How can it be on that street which I passed on so many times, and didn’t see it? What if will be a big queue and will take lots of time and won’t solve anything and won’t be in time for my next appointment?’’
By the time I enter the shower, I barely can breathe, all the negative scenarios repeating multiple times in my head. On the top of all this drama, the nagging feeling that I won’t be ready in time, even if I woke up two hours in advance, takes over and now I have to breathe deeply because I’m out of the air.
It’s not even 6.30 and my day is ruined. And this is not the worst part. I have all these thoughts going around and around while the background belongs to a bigger obsession. ‘’What if I won’t be able to clean my house?’’ Because while worrying about everything I have to have my house clean. No matter what! (Even if I’m recovering from surgery and risking to break my stitches.) Talking about OCD!
BUT no matter what sort of anxiety related obsession you have experienced, or how anxious you are, there is a cure as long as you start recognizing having a problem! For many years I thought that I was born that way, or I inherited it. Until I discovered that I could do something about it and that all depended on me, nothing changed. The process was long and seemed forever going, but I wanted so much to live in peace, no matter the cost. So I read and read and wrote and talked and took action and meditated and prayed and read some more. But if I were to give some practical steps, the list would look like this.
First, dare to look at your thoughts, dare to challenge them, and analyse them. The best to do it is when you’re at peace, even if that occurs almost never. When I decided enough was enough, I began remembering all those made up scenarios and how they ended. Completely different from what I’ve imagined and I let this idea sink: ‘’Things never turn out badly.’’
Of course that the entire process took some time, and I had to discipline my thoughts and to fight the negative ones, but reminding myself each time that all the war was in my head played an important role.
Secondly, I commenced writing about my feelings, my scenarios which helped me a lot. It was like leaving them on the paper. It didn’t have to be an entire sentence, only a few words whatever took off the load of me.
Reading lots of self-help book and applying the technics described there. For each problem I got, there was a book. I remember how I sighed continuously especially when doing chores around the house. And I found this book written by Joel Osteen ‘’Become a better you’’ in which he stated that our attitude should be: ‘’I get to do the dishes, I get to clean the house!’’ instead of ‘’No, not the dishes again!’’ So whenever I was sighing, I made sure the next thought would be: ‘’Thank you for my chores.’’
Facing the fears-would be the next step. While avoidance was my middle name for a long time because I was afraid of what might happen to me, the only result that followed was an increased state of anxiety especially when a situation similar to the avoided one occurred. So, being tired of playing the role of a tennis ball, sweating and very afraid at all times I chose to face whatever monsters I thought I was fighting! Needless to say, that they were insignificant little flies! But what I decided to remember was the afterward feeling: pure relief and joy.
Be grateful! I can’t emphasize that enough! Many self-help authors say that you should start being thankful for three little things and it’s an excellent exercise which practiced daily can help you reach a state of continuous gratitude. And nothing can beat that!
Say yes to workouts! Dance, yoga, cardio, running, walking whatever makes you happy! Today, the stress is too much on the right type of cardio, or the right equipment, or the proper diet. Too much information for an anxious mind! That’s why the one who knows what’s best for you, it’s you!
Find a bit of time in the morning just for you. Before the spouse and kids wake up before all the noise takes its roll, whatever gives you peace. Either a prayer or a piece of meditation, you decide. Breathe in calmly and welcome the new day.
I left the environment for the last, because of its importance. We like to believe that we are immune to the presence or habits of the others around us. Nothing can be further from the truth. As Benjamin Hardy nicely put it in the ‘’Willpower doesn’t work’’- ’’Your environment and you are two indivisible parts of the same whole’’.
And who is the other part? Is it a stressful, anxious world, or a calm, peaceful one? Be very aware of that and take the right steps.
Other than that, I’m so anchored in the present that thinking about past bores me, and talking about the future is a waste of time. And regarding my house, I know it’s in the right state when my anxious relatives begin to tidy up.
