Listening to : Boris —’ Flood 3'
This is an experiment. I’ve never been inclined to write articles or produce a blog. However, I started publishing artwork to my Instagram and found it was a good way to maintain momentum. So much of my time is spent writing that perhaps posting online will create a similar kind of momentum. It’s also an opportunity to draw something at the time of writing these articles, so I can post them together. Maybe I’ll have something valuable to share, and someone out there will relate or make use of my experiences …
I’ve decided to purge every area of my life. Computer, phone, email, habits, food, clothing, relationships, methods of work, personal habits, anything and everything. Writing this, I immediately imagine someone reacting: “what? why do you need to get rid of all those things? purge your relationships? why can’t you just change some things? don’t be so extreme. don’t be so extreme about it …”. The purging I desire doesn’t mean throwing out everything. This isn’t some random, reactive measure. The point is to gain clarity. To be more aware of what space I occupy, and to have less in all realms to mentally or physically deal with. To be clear about the direction I’m living in each realm, and focus my attention on what I feel called towards.
Over the last month, I’ve been bothered by such a strong sense of unease … I mean, I always feel this way, for a variety of reasons. This was plaguing me more noticeably but was confusing as to why. Meditating on this, it became more clear over about a week: I was deeply displeased with almost every area of my life. I eat well, exercise, meditate, etc. That was not the point. Each area of life felt stagnant due to years of build-up.
I almost never buy anything new, but I’m inundated with a huge amount of items that have been passed on to me, found, or incidentally acquired. My eating habits are somewhat consistent, although I spend quite a bit of time intuitively shifting my diet, and I’m always experimenting which isn’t inherently bad, but has begun to feel undirected. My habits feel greatly weighed down by the stress I feel of being slightly trapped. With emotions during the day and in reaction to external events I’m extremely calm and capable. Instead of calmly having directed areas of my life, however, they’ve just sort of ended up where they are. The unease further comes from a lack of efficacy. A lack of effect, feedback, and a sense that areas in life are progressively directed by a distinct intention … as opposed to the familiar sensation of constantly hitting a brick wall. This doesn’t mean I need to control every aspect of my life. No, that degree of control sounds far too oppressive. Instead, it feels right, to go through and systematically purge the ‘excess fat’ from each part of my life.
The end result sounds amazing, but this plan is more so the vehicle for a process. Removing that which is of no further value, removing distraction, and whittling down to the lean core what my actual direction in life can be.
As my mother tells me … Onward!
