15 Emotion-Coaching Phrases to Use When Your Child is Upset

Talking about Emotion-Coaching Phrases, Slamming doors. Gritty teeth. Stomping feet “I HATE YOU!” You feel helpless as the rage just rolls out of such a small body.

You are doing everything in your power to maintain your composure, and all you seem to be saying is, “It’s going to be okay.” Your child is certain that he will not be okay and that the world is against him.

You fall to the ground with your hands over your face as the door closes, and you consider what to say.

The following are 15 emotional coaching phrases to use when your child is upset:

You are not alone. In fact, time and time again, I am reminded of just how many of us struggle to have the words to say to calm an angry child. We have been taught that children should never speak like that to adults, but deep down we are aware that they also don’t mean it.

Emotion-Coaching Phrases to Use When Your Child Is Upset

I love you.

Reminding your angry child that you still love them is critical and that makes it a great Emotion-Coaching Phrase. And also that you will truly love them, regardless of what they say to you. As often as your child can hear you, you should calmly repeat these three words.

I can see that you’re angry.

A child’s development of self-awareness of what happens to their body when they are enraged is aided by the fact that you can see their anger. Without having to immediately attempt to resolve the issue, you can talk to them about it.

It’s okay to be angry.

confirm their feelings. It’s possible that they’re going off the deep end over something you don’t really understand, but that doesn’t matter right now. They need to see an adult who can be rational and back up their feelings.

Do you need my assistance?

You might have read that hugging an angry child is the best thing to do. However, when they are at their most vulnerable, some children will outright refuse any assistance or contact. Giving them a choice gives them ownership and lets them accept or reject your strategies and assistance.

“I wonder if” doesn’t sound good I think but it is a great Emotion-Coaching Phrase;

Children aren’t always able to understand why they are upset or frustrated in the first place. Try something like, “I wonder if you need to eat something.” I’m curious if you could use a break. I’m wondering if you’d like a hug.

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I am going to…

When your child stomps or screams at you, they frequently seek your response. It is crucial to maintain composure and calm. However, communicating your actions and plans to your child is essential for letting them know what’s coming next. I will wait here until you are prepared. In order to let you know where I am, I will move closer to you. I will remain in the hallway until you stop screaming.

Would you like to attempt…

It is acceptable to offer assistance, even though this is not the time to rationalize with your child. A child’s inability to self-regulate frequently leads to extreme anger. You can offer a variety of ways to relax or get help. I would recommend making only one suggestion and waiting a while before speaking again.

When you need me, I’ll be here.

Although I wholeheartedly support the idea of validating and acknowledging children’s feelings, children occasionally escalate their feelings in an effort to attract attention. For parents, this is a clear indication that your child requires individual attention.

But not right now; later, when things settle down again, I strongly support the idea of validating and acknowledging children’s feelings, but children occasionally escalate their feelings in an effort to attract attention. For parents, this is a clear indication that your child requires individual attention.

But not right now;

Later, when things settle down again, How can you tell when it’s getting out of hand? when your child doesn’t want a hug or comfort and starts crying more. or when every strategy that usually works fails. In situations like these, providing unending validation and acknowledgment can backfire and possibly even facilitate the tantrum or emotional escalation.

Time-ins can be ineffective at this point. As a result, I recommend the adaptable “Feeling Break,” which is a variation of the time-in but also works when emotions get out of hand and you need to take a break — parents also experience emotions!

Can we begin again?

We all sometimes require a second chance. Sometimes, children don’t even realize they’re getting upset or emotional until it’s too late and their brains have already switched into fight or flight mode. Offering a straightforward second chance can be a great way to get through the difficulties.

You are nice and helpful.

Being disorganized is not a negative trait. Being irritated or frustrated is not a bad thing. However, when we are experiencing emotion, we may not always make the best decisions. Although our children may make poor decisions or mistakes, their actions do not define who they are. When we teach our children about emotions, this is such an important lesson. According to research, encouraging children to be generous increases their generosity. We want our children to know that they can be kind no matter how they feel.

We can always come up with a solution in the future.

Now is not the time to argue with your child. They might be looking for an answer now. Right now, they might want to argue. It’s not the right time. You can begin to address what initially caused them to be so upset once they have regained their composure and abandoned the “flight or fight” response.

Setting boundaries and remaining consistent are essential.

Let your child know that you will love them through these outbursts of emotion, but it is never acceptable to hit or hurt them or other people.

“You are safe” is a great Emotion-Coaching Phrase

Fear is one factor that can cause children to behave badly. They might be worried about what will happen after the fight — that you will be mad at them or, even worse, that they might actually be afraid for their safety. In a calm and collected voice, assure them that they are safe.

I remember what we tried the last time…

If your child is just starting this journey of big emotions and hurt feelings, they might remember everything you tried up until this point. It’s possible that they require reminders of what doesn’t work. It is hoped that things will gradually return to normal after each outburst.

Remind your child that you will not be leaving them;

Always try to remind your child that you will not be leaving and that “I will be here when you are ready.” We parents also require breaks from time to time! To keep our cool, we need to get away from the situation, but our children need to know we are there for them. A great way to reassure them without telling them to “calm down” is to let them know exactly where you are going and how they can find you when they are ready.

Conclusion:

Keep in mind that it’s hard to love an angry child. Both you and your child will be exhausted as a result. This is a journey that cannot be completed or traveled in a single day. Ultimately, keep in mind that you are not alone on this journey.