The funeral..
Today was the day we put my sister’s urn in the grave. It was at a cemetery, they dug a hole next to my mom’s husband and where my mom will be. It was a pretty pink urn, she would have liked it. Just the five of us was there, me, my mom, my little sister, my dad and my late sisters boyfriend. We read the little passage that was in the back of her cards from the service then we passed her urn around and we all said some words to her, then her boyfriend put her in the ground, we all dropped our flowers on her then we all put some dirt on her. We watched as the grave diggers put the rest of the dirt on her then placed the grass back over her. She just looked so empty. No head stone, yet until we can raise the money, just a square piece of grass. So I started thinking that when that grass grows we won’t know where she is, so I placed my feet a certain way between her patch of grass and my mom’s husband’s dad’s some so I knew how to find her. I ran to the store bought some fake flowers and a teddy bear and came back to place them so nicely in the ground on her patch of grass. Wish I could do more for her but it was sudden and we don’t have a lot of money. Now I feel like it’s all over. It’s done. Nothing to anticipate. I want to cry more but I want to get strong so I’m trying not to. They say things like this makes you stronger. I see people that are older, way older but not too old and sometimes when the smallest thing happens like the wind blows the wrong way, they cry a little, like it just leaks out, I wonder if you put so much strong down inside of you that one day it starts to come back out, over flowing out backing up that you can’t put anymore strong inside of you. You just start to cry at memories. I am being told by so many that I am the strongest person they know because I have been through so much and I’m still fairly young. But, sometimes, I don’t want to be strong anymore. I want to roll into a ball of mush and cry my eyes out while somebody holds me tight.
